Boundaries in Marriage
Cloud and Townsend (1999) define a boundary as the "simplest sense, is a property line. It denotes the beginning and end of something" (p. 17). In this book, Cloud and Townsend observed the mechanisms of marriages that go into" producing and maintaining love" (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p. 17). The boundaries in marriage are important because "when boundaries are not established in the beginning of a marriage, or when they break down, marriages break down as well" (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p. 17). A break down then leads to tension for the couple and does not allow them to grow as a couple. Cloud and Townsend claim in order to establish these boundaries, important elements must fall into play. The elements include: responsibility, freedom, protection, and self-control. Responsibility is needed to help people figure out who is responsible for their actions, behaviors and their words (Cloud and Townsend, 1999). Freedom is referring to an individual’s freedom to respond and how we make choices (Cloud and Townsend, 1999). Freedom in also being able to limit how behaviors affect individuals and their relationships with others (Cloud and Townsend, 1999). Protection serves as the purpose to let boundaries of love to grow. Being able to protect yourself from good and bad is crucial especially in marriage (Cloud and Townsend, 1999). Possessing self-control, which means taking control over your own emotions and behaviors is important when establishing boundaries (Cloud and Townsend, 1999). The authors state that, “Self-control serves love, not selfishness. We hope that when you take control of yourself, you will love better and more purposefully and intentionally so that you and your spouse can have the intimacy you desire" (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p. 29). In the book the authors also talk about the “Ten Laws of Boundaries in Marriage" (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p. 37)....