Anna Girl Monologue

ANNA: I miss her so much it feels like… like-- um, like everything is bad. Everything feels bad and wrong and gross. It feels like my guts are all tied up in knots, and like my chest is caving in and exploding at the same time. I know that doesn’t make sense but I have so much love inside me and it's all fighting to get out-- but everything else I know about the situation is so heavy. It's so heavy and it hurts, and honestly it has taken so much effort to even leave the house today-- and now I'm here and I'm spilling all this on you and you probably don’t need to hear it all-- oh god, I’m sorry. I know you have your own problems and you don’t need mine on top of yours but here I am. Spilling all these dumb emotions everywhere-- and look at me, I’m still going. I can’t stop! I-- I feel so ugly right now-- these emotions feel so slimy and gross and I don’t like feeling like this. I hate it. I’m so helpless to all of this! And I wish there was something I could do but I’m just-- just-- so small! and-- and powerless! And insignificant
what. The fuck. Why would you do that now? Why would you add to this???? I’ve just gotten out of a relationship and you think that now is the right time to do that?? I mean-- I know I pressured you to tell me, but you shouldn’t have let me. Oh, god, no, that was too harsh-- I’m sorry, I… I’m flattered, I guess-- but you’ve just added on to this tangled mess. I mean-- I really don’t know what’s going on anymore. You’re supposed to be my best friend. Best friends don’t kiss each other like that-- and for god’s sake, I’m still in love with her! Yeah, she moved on and found someone else, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to do the same. I still love her and I don’t want to bring that into a new relationship. I think I would like to be with you in the future, but-- I don’t think I can right now. I haven’t processed this mess of emotions and I just need a little time. [A pause, ANNA smiles.] I’ll keep you in the loop. [BEE