A Humorous Wedding Speech

Good morning, America. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comfort of everyday routine, the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any red-blooded American. But in the spirit of commemoration, whereupon important events of the past, usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, are celebrated with a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this Thanksgiving day by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are, of course, those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, I may be actively placed on lists, and men with guns will soon be marching in our very streets. Why?
But again, truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. They were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic, you turned to the Department of Homeland Security, which only served to secure and protect an institution, not a people. It promised you order, it promised you peace, and all it demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. More than half a century ago, a great citizen wished to embed ideas in our hearts that have always been there. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of these corporate mongrels remain unknown to you, then I would suggest that you allow this day of gratitude to go unmarked, save for engorging ourselves on turkey and wine. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me, and note who the real fools are that we should continue kicking the can down the road in the hopes that somebody else will do something about