Declaration of Independence from Listening to People
When, in the course of my crazy life, it becomes necessary for me to make conversation with other humans, and to hold said conversation and also listen, I must give my undivided attention to person(s) I am talking with. There is one certain element I cannot stand however; and that is listening to people. People telling me what to do with my life, where to sleep, where to sit, people telling me they like my shirt, that they think I’m funny, and some that even have the audacity to call me their “friend”. This is something that cannot go on any further. I hold these truths to be obvious. I do not like people. I do not hide this fact, in my eyes, all humans, spare a very select few, are stupid apes that have mastered the texting art and selfies. I also despise making pointless conversation. I prefer to go straight to the point and get it over with, not make petty conversation. I indeed also enjoy sarcasm, and seeing as very few humans’ posses this apparently rare ability, I do not particularly like making conversation with these people. It gets boring. Very boring. I would write you an essay on how boring it would be, but I would fall asleep on the second sentence. I prefer to jump straight to the point while at the same time trying to entertain myself, as I get bored talking normally. People, however, have taken to the art of telling me what to do, or even talking to me, while at the same time being incredibly boring. It is my duty for my sanity, what’s left of it that is, to stop this. In a second here I will list reason why I shouldn’t listen to people. Yes, examples will be included. I bet you are criticizing this paper as you read this sentence. Is this forth sentence that interesting? It isn’t, trust me I wrote it. My history of listening to people in the past has actually been detrimental to me. Most people have it the other way around, but I however, am not a...
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