Chandlers Life

For much of my childhood, one of my goals was to be everything my dad was when he was living. I wanted to walk like him, talk like him, do the things he did when he was a kid….everything! What society had told me was that a boy was to be like his father, and since my father wasn’t around, I had to go by what I saw in pictures or video. Unfortunately, these small snapshots of a man’s life did not go far in describing his true nature. I clung to every aspect of his character, and emulated the man these pictures, films, and tales told me he was – until one day, when I stumbled across my mother’s diary, and learned that no man, even my father, was perfect. What I learned that day was that the man I had been creating in my mind was an ideal that I believed a father should be. He was strong and firm, but loving and caring. I didn’t believe he ever made mistakes. So when I read the diary and learned that he did make mistakes, my Dad became someone even more important to me than ever before. Suddenly, I was freed from the expectations to live up to the example he set. The change was quick and drastic; I went from failing as an athlete to flourishing as an artist, questioning the Republicans I affiliated myself with to embracing the platforms of the Democrats, and striving to be tough kid to striving to be a compassionate one. Essentially, I found my true self. For a while, I wondered if I was shaming my father by not emulating him in every way. Did he think I was weak because I played no sports or crazy because I supported Kerry? What I soon realized was that a father, whether living or dead, would love his son no matter what he did. Today, I try my best to blend the examples he has set for me with my own passions and dreams. I know that as he watches me, he is proud of everything I do and captivated by my life’s twists and turns. As I look forward towards the future I see my dad as a part of the greater meaning of my life; he will always be another influence in my