Nancy Chodow's Theory

In Freud 's psychoanalytical analysis of the self, as well as Nancy Chodorow 's theory of object-relations, the father plays a strong role in the development of male identity. The Oedipus theory explains that the need of a father is to create enough anxiety in a boy to help the boy to separate from the mother and identify with the father. The boy 's fear of the father in accordance with his pre-Oedipal love interest in the mother helps the boy to identify with masculinity and separate his self from his primary love object that is his mother. The boy originally sees the mother as "not me," (Chodorow 67) which creates a gender identity for the male infant. The male infant then sees the father as close to his mother, which is his primary love
The way a son views his mother and a mother views her son are seen quite differently in the absence of a father. The mother is in as much need of a husband as the son is in need of a father. The need for the husband 's love, affection, and sexuality is then placed on the person of the opposite sex that is closest to her. She then sees the son not as her son but as an opposite gendered other and more of a sexual being. Therefore, the wife will turn the affection and sensuality that would normally be directed toward the husband, and direct it toward the closest male figure in her life which is the son. The seductive feelings put forth by the mother forces the boy out of the pre-Oedipal period and into the Oedipal period. (Chodorow 105) The wife/mother in this case will be more seductive towards the son but will also maintain the role of mother by disciplining and punishing the boy. The mother with show strong sexual feelings of love and affection toward the boy but will also maintain her role as mother who is the punisher, which shows feelings of anger and hate towards the infant son. This can create a very confusing relationship with the son to the mother. The fact that the mother can reward, love, and frustrate the boy at any given time develops a dependency in the son on the
The father holds many positions for the son to obtain a foothold on the creation of his self and his masculine identity. He acts as a mirror for the boy, allowing him to identify with who is considered the same as himself. The father gives the boy something to copy not only physically but also emotionally and psychically. At the same time the father helps to develop the boy 's individuality by helping to interfere with the connection of the primary love object, which is the mother. With out the father there to act as a mirror in the pre-Oedipal stage and be a source of anxiety in the Oedipal stage, it will offset the balance that is so carefully created through nature by the Oedipus complex. There is no replacing the father. A stepfather or grandfather cannot recreate the bond that a son can only share with his father. Because of the father 's main roles in the identification of the self as a male, the absence can be detrimental to the development of a boy and create many stigmas that will remain with the boy for