Lessons Learned All Around
Several factors come into play when a child lies or breaks the rules. There are also several consequences to be given. However, there is a certain way to give the consequence and a certain way for the child to learn their lesson. Also, one thing to consider is why the child lies. The consequences also have to be clear and focused on what the real problem was and why she did what she did. The child may be wrong and will have to learn their lesson but there is a way to do it too.
Firstly, a consequence is something that follows naturally from a person’s action, inaction or poor decision. It differs from a punishment in that a punishment is retribution. Punishment is “getting back” at someone, to hurt him or her back for a hurt they did. When you get a speeding ticket, it’s not a retribution for something you did wrong. It’s a consequence of your poor choices and decisions. When you’re giving a child a consequence, it’s important to make it flow naturally from the child’s choice or action. For example, if your son sleeps late and doesn’t get up for school, the natural consequence is to go to bed earlier that night to get more sleep. The natural consequence isn’t to take his phone for a week. Tell him he has to go to bed early for the next three nights, and then if he can show you he can get up for school, you’ll go back to the later bedtime. It’s also important to make the consequence task-oriented, not time-oriented. A time-oriented consequence is when you tell your child he’s grounded for a week or can’t use his cell phone for two weeks. It’s ineffective because all it does is teach kids how to “do time.” It does not teach them how to change their behavior. "Making your daughter stay in for three weekends won’t teach her to observe curfew. It just puts you and your family through grief and the child learns nothing." A task-oriented consequence is related to the offense and defines a learning objective. If