"The Lowest Animal"

Topics: The Animals, Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood, Animal Pages: 5 (2082 words) Published: December 1, 2013
The Lowest Animal
By: Mark Twain.

I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so-called), and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man.  I find the result humiliating to me.  For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that the theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.  In proceeding toward this unpleasant conclusion I have not guessed or speculated or conjectured, but have used what is commonly called the scientific method.  That is to say, I have subjected every postulate that presented itself to the crucial test of actual experiment, and have adopted it or rejected it according to the result.  Thus I verified and established each step of my course in its turn before advancing to the next.  These experiments were made in the London Zoological Gardens, and covered many months of painstaking and fatiguing work.  Before particularizing any of the experiments, I wish to state one or two things, which seem to more properly belong in this place than further along.  This, in the interest of clearness.  The massed experiments established to my satisfaction certain generalizations, to wit:  1.That the human race is of one distinct species.  It exhibits slight variations (in color, stature, mental caliber, and so on) due to climate, environment, and so forth; but it is a species by itself, and not to be confounded with any other.  2.That the quadrupeds are a distinct family, also.  This family exhibits variations (in color, size, food preferences, and so on; but it is a family by itself).  3.That the other families (the birds, the fishes, the insects, the reptiles, etc.) are more or less distinct, also.  They are in the procession.  They are links in the chain, which stretches down from the higher animals to man at the bottom.  Some of my experiments were quite curious.  In the course of my reading I had come across a case where, many years ago, some hunters on our Great Plains organized a buffalo hunt for the entertainment of an English earl.  They had charming sport.  They killed seventy-two of those great animals; and ate part of one of them and left the seventy-one to rot.  In order to determine the difference between an anaconda and an earl (if any) I caused seven young calves to be turned into the anaconda’s cage.  The grateful reptile immediately crushed one of them and swallowed it, then lay back satisfied.  It showed no further interest in the calves, and no disposition to harm them.  I tried this experiment with other anacondas; always with the same result.  The fact stood proven that the difference between an earl and an anaconda is that the earl is cruel and the anaconda isn’t; and that the earl wantonly destroys what he has no use for, but the anaconda doesn’t.  This seemed to suggest that the anaconda was not descended from the earl.  It also seemed to suggest that the earl was descended from the anaconda, and had lost a good deal in the transition.  I was aware that many men who have accumulated more millions of money than they can ever use have shown a rabid hunger for more, and have not scrupled to cheat the ignorant and the helpless out of their poor servings in order to partially appease that appetite.  I furnished a hundred different kinds of wild and tame animals the opportunity to accumulate vast stores of food, but none of them would do it.  The squirrels and bees and certain birds made accumulations, but stopped when they had gathered a winter s supply, and could not be persuaded to add to it either honestly or by chicane.  In order to bolster up a tottering reputation the ant pretended to store up supplies, but I was not deceived.  I know the ant.  These experiments convinced me that there is this difference between man and the higher animals: he is...
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