A Humorous Short Random Story

Topics: Sleep, Teri Garr, Sheriff Pages: 8 (2944 words) Published: November 21, 2005
Every day, Mike Hawk rolls out of the left side of his queen sized bed and tiredly shuffles to his dresser to turn off his alarm clock. His wife won't get up for another 2 hours, so Mike throws on his Carhartt overalls and plaid shirt then heads downstairs for breakfast. Mike was never allowed sweets and rarely received milk as a child so his breakfast consists of: unfrosted cornflakes with no milk, for energy and muscle building he drinks a glass of createne and water, and a Viagra because it in some way gives him motivation to go about his day. After breakfast Mike gets the mail and tends to his donkey that is named Michael. Michael is Mike's only animal and his one true friend. Mike wakes up his wife Sharrol who enjoys nagging at him every chance she gets and she is notorious for doing absolutely nothing all day. The rest of the afternoon consists of yard work, daydreaming about a better life, and going to the store to get dinner. After dinner Mike says goodnight to his donkey and climbs into bed with his nagging, worthless wife.

It was one of those nights that Mike had an extraordinary dream. As he slept, he imagined him and his best friend donkey just leaving their lives and starting an incredible adventure. They had no problems or worries and enjoyed the best time of their lives. Along their way, Mike and Michael would attend a donkey show, where Michael would go through a series of challenges and tests. The winners of the show would receive money and that would be how they made their living. At the end of the dream, Mike and his companion opened up a beach bar in Mexico became wealthy and lived the rest of their lives happily forever. A distant bell sturred Mike from his deep slumber. It was his alarm clock telling Mike that another routine was to begin.

Mike crawled miserably out of bed and reset his alarm clock. He got dressed then drug himself into the kitchen for a promising breakfast. After pumping himself full of createne and popping his Viagra, Mike got the mail and brought Michael out some carrots, hay and grain. While munching down his breakfast Michael listened as Mike rambled about a better life, and the exciting adventure that he dreamt about. Michael knew that Mike's main problem in life was his wife, but for some reason, Mike decided to put up with his wife's constant nagging and complaining.

A short time after Mike entered his house, screaming could be heard by Michael who cringed at the sound of Sharrol's high, piercing voice. Sharrol was explaining to Mike that he was worthless and a pathetic husband. Mike didn't let his wife's anger get to him until she told Mike that she was going to sell his donkey, and use that money to go shopping. Mike lost it. He stormed into the room and began hurling clothes into an old grungy gym bag.

"Where in cold hell do you think you are going?" Snapped Sharrol.
"I can't put up with you anymore Sharrol, so I'm leaving you and taking my donkey with me!"
"You can't leave me, Mike Hawk, I'll report you to the sheriff!" She screamed with only a red face for Mike to look at.
Tell you what, you do that!" Replied Mike. "And while you're at it, tell him I think he is a fat, worthless pig!" This being said, Mike galloped down the stairs and hurried over to where Michael was grazing. "Come on my little jackass friend, we are going on a permanent vacation!" Michael sensed Mike's excitement and waited patiently as his friend straddled him up. Both of them took one last look at their past and were prepared to charge into the future.

At that moment Sharrol appeared on the front porch, waiting oh so unpatiently with a shotgun, screaming at the top of her lungs, "get back here Mike, come back here to me, or I will pump your guts so full with lead, that you will be more poisonous than a pencil from the ‘40's!" In Mike's determination, he ignored this demented request, flipped her the bird and in no time at all he was exiting his abandoned drive way. Not so much as a...
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