You Just Don T Understand Woman And Men In Conversation Analysis

“You’re just not understanding!” are words that run rampant in conversations between my husband and me. That is the reason I chose to read You Just Don’t Understand: Woman and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen. I needed insight, a way to view conversation differently, something to tell me I wasn’t going crazy when speaking to the male in my house. Sometimes, it would really feel as if I were talking to an alien, someone who spoke a completely different language, even though we use the same verbal construct. Tannen lends her research and knowledge to me as a reader and a fellow woman, thus has impacted the way I communicate with my husband. By learning and understanding that women and men are raised in parallel, yet different cultures,
One would think that because boys and girls are raised in the same proximity and using the same language, conversation would flow easily enough. However, that is not the case. The cultures boys and girls are raised in provide contexts in which they act regarding conversation, conflict, and connection. In her text, Tannen references a study performed by Amy Sheldon (p.22) where the moderator videotaped three- and four-year old boys and girls playing at a daycare center. Each group of three that played together ended up fighting over a plastic pickle. Tannen notes from Sheldon’s study that “the girls mitigated the conflict and preserved harmony by compromise and evasion” while the boys, who fought longer than the girls, ended up using “insistence, appeals to rules, and threats to physical violence.” The way these toddlers handled their discussions differed substantially and gives readers an insight to genders, even at a young age, communicating
Stereotypically, women are more interruptive than men; however, in Tannen’s findings, men have been noted to be the ones interrupting. The interrupter is seen as the aggressor and the interrupted, the victim, taking the speaking floor by force from the one being interrupted. To women, the meta-message is received that what she has to say isn’t important. When men are interrupted, it is seen as an act of force against their independence to speak freely. By taking into consideration the information observed by researchers as to why men interrupt, I am able to incorporate another point of view in a conversation where I am interrupted and able to state why interrupting me is not an appropriate way to continue conversation. Interruption can also be used as a tool to enhance what the other is saying, such as phrases that bolster the speaker and their story. Tactfully using interruption can build friendships because the listener is viewed as paying attention to the speaker and is offering verbal feedback regarding the conversation. Viewing conversations and interruptions in this way has allowed me to have more solid conversations with the other gender, such as my husband and