Genderlect Styles refers to the differences in conversational styles between men and women which lead to misunderstandings and faulty communication. Today we are going to focus on the 5 types of talk and how men and woman use them differently. The best way to describe the different way men and woman use type of talk is as follow. Men use talking as a way to focus on status, which is why talk often turns into a competition for them. Women see talking as a way to connect and form a community. As I discuss the types of talk I will refer back to these ideas. Type of Talk 1: Private Speaking VS Public Speaking
Women talk more than men in private conversations. Men talk to increase their status, while women talk to improve relationships. In public man use talk as a weapon or a way to establish the one up position. For instance if Victoria, Jade, and Danielle go to lunch they will call each other Vic, Jade and Danielle. However if Nate, Will, and Austin go to lunch they will call each other Scrappy, Peanut head, and Godzilla. Men feel the need to put each other down in order to establish dominance. However in private talk the man feels they are in there a safe environment such as their homes and they no longer feel the need to talk and protect their status. They retreat into a peaceful silence. This would often be referred to as a man cave. Women on the other hand talk more than men. In private conversations woman dominate the talk and men are referred to as the “giant ear” c
Type of Talk 2: Telling a Story
When men tell stories, they are the heroes.
Men use this type of talk telling stories more than woman. Men will use story telling as a way to betray themselves has a hero overcoming a great obstacle. This again plays into the theory that men use talk as way to strengthen their status. Woman use this type of talk to tell a story about others. If they use this type of talk to about themselves it is often about something foolish they did. This is because they want the person who is listening to feel on the same level which will strengthen the community as a whole rather than creating a hierarchy.
For example two groups of friends are discussing the events of a party the other night. Group of girls: Jennifer came with Chuck but Jens ex-boyfriend came as well. Group of guys: Did you see me break up the fight between those two guys last night? The difference between those the two conversations is the woman discussed other people while the men discuss how they broke up the fight.
Type of Talk 3: Listening
When women share problems with men, they are looking for understanding, not advice. When listening, women are more likely than men to make good eye contact and say supportive things like “yeah,” “um-huh,” and “right.” This is because a woman likes to make their community feel as though they are interested in each member.
Ask the girls in the class:
When working on a project such as clean the house and someone comes into the room and starts a conversation what would you most likely do? (stop cleaning and become fully engaged in the conversation)
Ask the guys in the class:
When playing a video game and your friend comes in sits down and starts telling you story what do you do? (nothing continue playing)
Type of Talk 4: Asking Questions
Ask the class: Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for direction Display to the class:
These classic jokes that men will not ask for directions when they are lost relates back to the “Asking question” style of communication. Men don’t ask questions when it exposes their ignorance. Because men see life as a competition asking others for help will show their weakness and will make them appear less self sufficient. Women on the other hand ask questions to establish a connection and build a relationship with others. In fact women will use the “asking question” type of talk even when it is unnecessary in a form called tag questions in order to lessen chances of disagreement. For instance when discussing a movie a woman would state her opinion and then ask ad a tag question. “That movie was great don’t you think?” This is to strengthen her community and also create a friendly dialogue between speakers.
Type of Talk 5: Conflict
Men are most comfortable with this type of talk. As discussed earlier, men think of life as a competion and part of competition is conflict. Men usually initiate conflict. Women on the other hand are least comfortable with this type of talk because they base their needs on a community. They feel conflict will threaten their community. Conflict is a threat to connection to be avoided at all costs. Take a look at these words. Pick two words and define what they mean as if you were to say it to your partner. 1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up. 2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake. 3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1). 4. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!) 5. We need to talk = I need to complain
This shows that woman will not use words that correctly describe what they are feeling.
In conclusion there are 5 types of talk
Public vs Private -. Women talk more than men in private conversations. Men talk to increase their status, while women talk to improve relationships.
Conflict – Men usually initiate conflict. To women, conflict is a threat to connection to be avoided at all costs.
Telling a story – When men tell stories, they are the heroes and when women tell stories, they downplay themselves.
Listening – When women share problems with men, they are looking for understanding, not advice and when listening, women are more likely than men to make good eye contact and say supportive things like “yeah,” “um-huh,” and “right.”
Asking Questions – Men don’t ask questions when it exposes their ignorance. Women ask questions to establish a connection (to build a relationship) with others state their opinions, they often use tag questions to soften the sting of potential disagreement.