What I know now that I wish I knew then
What I Know Now That I Wish I Knew Then
What I Know Now That I Wish I Knew Then The books Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge and The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason were hard books to read, not because of the writing style itself (although the writing style of the latter was harder to read than the writing style of the former), but because they really made me stop and think about my failed marriage and brought to light some hard truths about myself. In the following paragraphs, I will expound on some of the thoughts I had, and insights I gained, while reading these two books.
I could not even get through the first chapter of Love and War without getting hit with a hard truth about my marriage and that hard truth was that I was partly to blame for it ending. When Shaun (my ex-husband) left me, my father looked me in eyes and told me “At least you know you did nothing wrong”, and as someone who has always been particularly hard myself, I took that statement to heart. I told myself that I was a good wife; I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, ironed his uniforms, on days when I did not have to be out of town for work I got up early to fix his breakfast and cook him a lunch to take to work, never refused him sexually, I gave him whatever he wanted even if it meant having to go to my parents to ask for money so that we could buy groceries or have gas money to go pick up his kids. By the world’s standards, I was a good wife. However, after reading page eleven of Love and War, I can see just how untrue the statement my father made to me was. On page eleven, Stasi talks about how broken she was when she and John married and how she looked to John to fill her desire to be loved. Looking back I can see how I was the same way. I was a broken little girl that depended completely on Shaun to bring me happiness and to make me feel loved and beautiful the way I desperately longed for; but even when he did
What I Know Now That I Wish I Knew Then The books Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge and The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason were hard books to read, not because of the writing style itself (although the writing style of the latter was harder to read than the writing style of the former), but because they really made me stop and think about my failed marriage and brought to light some hard truths about myself. In the following paragraphs, I will expound on some of the thoughts I had, and insights I gained, while reading these two books.
I could not even get through the first chapter of Love and War without getting hit with a hard truth about my marriage and that hard truth was that I was partly to blame for it ending. When Shaun (my ex-husband) left me, my father looked me in eyes and told me “At least you know you did nothing wrong”, and as someone who has always been particularly hard myself, I took that statement to heart. I told myself that I was a good wife; I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, ironed his uniforms, on days when I did not have to be out of town for work I got up early to fix his breakfast and cook him a lunch to take to work, never refused him sexually, I gave him whatever he wanted even if it meant having to go to my parents to ask for money so that we could buy groceries or have gas money to go pick up his kids. By the world’s standards, I was a good wife. However, after reading page eleven of Love and War, I can see just how untrue the statement my father made to me was. On page eleven, Stasi talks about how broken she was when she and John married and how she looked to John to fill her desire to be loved. Looking back I can see how I was the same way. I was a broken little girl that depended completely on Shaun to bring me happiness and to make me feel loved and beautiful the way I desperately longed for; but even when he did
References: Mason, M. (2005). The Mystery of marriage: Meditations on the miracle. Sisters, OR: Multnomah.