What wil surgery look like in the future?

It’s one of those times…. When you are in the weirdest mood for the longest time and no one can get you out… when you are so angry and so sad about everything all at the same time…and you wonder to yourself what the fuck is wrong with you… I just feel like I am so out of it and I have no idea what to do to get back into the swing of things. I’m one of those people who never tells anyone how she feels… she just keeps it inside because she feel sit will only it help her, but it never does. But the problem is… is that that is the only way she knows how to deal with things… so she keeps doing it over and over again… it is great for the moment… you feel like you just put it away and you will never have to talk about it again… but that’s not how it works… because sooner or later after you pile and pile up all your problems and keep trying to shove them all away you burst and you don’t know what to do with yourself even if it has happened to you a millions times over and over again. You realize that you were the person to get yourself to this point because you decided to just push away your problems… which only makes everything even worse because you wish more than anything that you could just be a normal teenage girl and just cry and express your feelings as soon as they pop into your life and your brain before they break you down…. But then you think about it even more and you have no idea where to even begin… so much runs through my head constantly and honestly it’s never really about myself… that’s my problem… I am constantly thinking about how I need to just shut up and not complain about my problems because I know people have so much worse.. I am constantly thinking about the people who have lost their friends and family and their children this year. I think about all the things that people face that are ten thousand times worse than my little childish problems and that’s where I just find myself shoving things away. It sucks because no matter how many close