Hadley Anthony Rodas__reviewed _Vera Barefield’s paper
Please respond in detailed, complete sentences, and always explain your answer. IN GENERAL What did you like best about this paper? Why?
I really liked the writing style of this paper. In particular, I appreciated the directness of the statements, claim and thesis. Stating them so plainly makes it easy for the reader to understand the viewpoint, and therefore the evidence that author will use to back their claims. There was also good use of qualifiers. What do you like least about this paper? How can it be improved? Overall I enjoyed the paper very much. If I could offer any advice, it would be better transition statements between paragraphs and ideas, and perhaps group the point and counterpoints together. Having them separated as they are may confuse some readers. Again, overall, good paper. Other general comments?
The facts are there, and do support the claim. I would probably recommend adding the study or guideline information from the American Academy of Pediatrics. They are such a strong authority figure, and can add considerable weight to the author’s viewpoint. There are a few instances where some of the sentences are redundant. Redundancy can be very effective to drive a point home, but I wasn’t sure if that was the intention. Specifically the 4th sentence in the 4th paragraph. FOCUS What is your partner’s thesis or claim? Where is it located? Discuss questions or thoughts about the claim here. The thesis is “Playing violent video games can increase aggressive behavior, thoughts, and feelings in young children and adults”. It is the second sentence in the first paragraph. It is direct, and to the point, and immediately lets the reader know where article will go. Do you get a sense of the paper’s direction and focus early on? Why or why not? The paper immediately lets the reader know that the author believes that there is a strong correlation between the...
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