The peaceful trudge of the months, every few weeks, is interrupted by a telephone ring. The Televisions at my house are mute, the conversations stop, the music goes silent, and every particle, beast, and being on this earth and above is listening to exhaustively to a phone call. My mother draws a sigh of relief, and after a long murky moment, turns around a says " all four of them have made it, all four of them have kept their jobs." My Aunt and Uncles work for Ford, which means almost every month their job is in question, and that every month that telephone call takes place, ending one month of uncertainty and signaling the beginning of another. We Americans prepare our whole life against uncertainty, planning our entire life as an adolescent. We continue to fulfill that plan, keeping life stable and predictable. Keeping life certain. I have learned that life itself is a dive into uncertainty and no matter how far you try to run away from life, it will catch up ( as what has happened to my relatives), so I have embrace uncertainty, and even though at times it is frightening and dark, at other times it is the opposite of what we advertise it to be, and brings the greatest experiences of life.
I must have been about seven years old at a time. We were at an amusement park, rides whirling all around us, arcades flashing, popcorn exploding into amazing displays of yellow. I took a wrong turn, and was lost for what seemed like hours. I never remember being more scared then when I was lost as a kid. In a strange place with no one to turn to, I was desperately uncertain. Would I ever find my parents again? Would they leave without me? All these questions seem cliched, but they were wild fears when I was that young. That is what being uncertain is like, being lost. Your plans have gone astray, you have little to hang onto, and your fears go wild. It is no wonder we try to avoid uncertainty, because it is one of the most frightening feelings we have ever felt.
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