30 September 2014
Trust Issues Found on Family Trip
In every family you always want trips that will spark closer bonds and to be able to just have some simple relaxing time away from home. It is a chance to get away from every day burdens and just have fun without worry. In this I believed my family could have moments like that and as New Year’s was approaching this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted moments with my family away from school and problems, to be able to just stop and rest. My parents and I had been looking forward to our trip for weeks and everything just seemed precisely planned and made us all excited as the days got closer. That to me was what it meant when you had a family trip, to me it was a time where you get excited to be together and work on building this bond that you all have and just enjoy each other’s company. You start counting days down and get hyped up wanting to just be at that one place where you know a new level of family love can be found. You realize that in this place is where any problems can be forgotten even if just for a temporary time and that you can find new adventure amongst the simplest spot with the most beloved people in your life. However sometimes moments can change and become ones that will affect you for possibly the rest of your life, this is unknowingly what was in store for my family and I.
Wanting to stay with my Aunt and Uncle who live in Arizona, my parents and I went for New Year’s expecting a fun family time. Unexpectedly my father’s grandmother ended up passing away so amongst our trip he decided to stay back for her funeral. Arguing back and forth about what to do occurred with the end result being that my father would stay behind to later come up to Arizona and take us back home at the end of the stay. Unfortunately as time went on through the week my parents continuously fought over the phone to the point where my father told my mother he no longer wanted to be with her. This shocked me as I wanted my parents to be together forever, I did not want them to end and I definitely did not want my family to split up. My mother certainly did not want that so she got my father to be calm enough to agree that when he came down to Arizona they should in person actually talk things through. The day had later finally come where my father was now with us and my mother wanted to have a thorough conversation with him. Being only 13 at the time I was still young and thought well they can work it out I know they can, they always work their problems out, so there is no way they will break up. However I was so wrong, hearing the words that my father spoke to my mother truly broke my heart. Saying he no longer loved her and he couldn’t be with her honestly shook me to my core, I just could not believe that right before my eyes I was seeing my parent’s marriage crumble. I pleaded to him to not do this, that it would be a huge mistake and that I knew he loved my mother. Being young I could not have imagined the real reason behind his words that ended up feeling like a knife in our family’s back.
Believing my father’s words I simply believed that he had fallen out of love with my mother. I did not like it but no matter how much I tried to change my father’s mind he would not budge. Therefore, I saw that I had no say in the matter at all that really what I wanted did not nor Hernandez 3
would it ever matter. In having no choice in the matter I felt heart broken, my family was simply slipping through my fingers. Being only 13, still so young I would have never imagined that behind my father’s words were lies and the fact that he had cheated on my mother. Honestly he became someone different to me at this moment, he was like a stranger, definitely not the father I once was close with. Within finding out this information I lost all respect for my father and faith that relationships last, even in the belief that families can really always remain together. Saying that my trust in people had changed was an understatement, I had went from trusting my father was a great guy to not being able to believe a word he said. In seeing how easily my father could hurt my mother and just leave his family made me think if he could do that then why wouldn’t someone else I love do that. I began to think that all people especially men were liars and cheaters. I felt that I wouldn’t be able to trust again and I wouldn’t be able to fall in love or have a family of my own. My thoughts were that two people making promises to love one another for the rest of their lives was just nothing but a lie. My ability to trust had been completely broken, but within this I also felt abandoned by the one man who had said he would always be there. My father had lied and in thinking he was just leaving my mother had left me too, so I believed that was what all men were capable of. I felt that if I gave anyone the slightest ounce of my trust that I would just get hurt again and being heartbroken was not a feeling I wanted to go through yet again in my life.
An apology was never even heard through any of it by my father so I just assumed he didn’t care at all. It wasn’t until going to a therapist and actually talking my feelings out happened that I heard an apology. In hearing that years later at the age of 17 was when I began to realize that no matter what I wish would have happened or wished I could have changed, it
would never be different. My parents would never be together again and my father could never undo the hurt he had caused and the anger I had felt towards him. No matter how much I wanted my father to be the same guy I had always looked up to he wouldn’t because I had lost my respect for him and my trust in him. Losing my trust in him was one of the hardest things to deal with, but I knew I still loved my father and over time I wanted to be able to have a relationship with him again. In realizing this I saw that I had to move forward in my life and forget the past in order to work at rebuilding my trust not just within my father but in people in general. That I had to let go of my hurt and anger towards my father in order to have the chance at that new relationship. In simply wanting this I knew that looking to the future was the only option no matter how much my past had changed me, therefore the past had to remain in the past. I had to mature and be happy moving on and enjoying my life, making it what I wanted to be, and most importantly not worrying about past issues. There you have it a family trip turned into a moment that split a family a part and caused trust issues along with so much hurt and anger. It went from being about relaxation to uncovering lies and deceit in someone who was so beloved to me. Having my trust broken and questioning relationships made me believe I would never be happy. Over time however, I was able to realize that the past had to stay in the past, that I had to only look forward to the future. I knew I wanted to be happy and regain my sense of trust, so slowly piece by piece that has been able to begin to be rebuilt. I still do have issues that I know will take more time to fix, but at least now all I really look forward to is having a bright, happy future. One where hopefully my relationship with my father can change and be just as good as it used to be before the New Year’s trip we had went wrong.