Thesis Statement Analysis

For this assignment, I chose the first essay that we complete in the class. I chose the essay, because I felt that out of all the assignments, from this semester, this was my weakest. I wanted to take all the information that I have obtained and apply it to a beginning assignment. This way I could judge if I had retained feedback that was given. For this revision process, I began by rereading the short stories, the original essay, and the feedback that was given. After looking and reviewing all this information, I looked at the weakness in the essay. I started with the thesis statement. Even though the points of the thesis stayed the same, I tried to make it more argumentative. Therefore, I changed the wording and choice of words used. After focusing on the thesis, I then looked at the introduction. I copied my
I read through several documents looking for specific accounts that favored my points of strength, mentality, and bonding. It was difficult to find information that on male bonding. However, I was able to find one review that focused on the multiple sections of the novel. I feel that these additional sources helped to support my original arguments. I did have find three, because one of my original sources was not peer reviewed. Therefore, I feel that my arguments are more valid, because of these additional sources. I also included the Pollock information in the introduction, which was something that I lacked in the first draft. I used the original feedback to look at mistakes that I had made. There was no was that I was going to “pass up” this free information. I took each suggestion and tried to either fix or enhance comments that were made. My greatest challenge in the corrections was the word “soldier”. I see the letters out of order. So I hope that I corrected them