The Two Marriages by Jessie Bernard
Introduction : The book were Jessie Bernard talks about was published in 1972. The Passage was taken from that. In here the author talks about the relation of man and woman in a marriage. She talks about how mans natural instinct to control woman still exist in the modern time and it always will. By reading the passage we get that different people have different view no matter how close they are they says. Everybody’s perspective is different from each other. So though two people might live under the same roof, but when simple questions like lawn mowing or diper changing comes up, the answer varies. This proves that marriage doesn’t mean that two people are same, their thought’s are same. So why should it be man married the woman, why should it be woman maries the man or both. Over here we will talk about the how marriage benefit’s both or none.
Man’s perspective : Every single entity in world has always been generous to men. Men are considered superior then woman, their superiority is written in the holy books. So they have the advantage in every little thing. Why was marriage constructed at first place? It wasn’t for just sex, it could be one of the reason’s but not the sole reason. Marriage for two people means that they are and will be there for each other no matter what they go through, they will work together for a family, they will have children in that family, they will compromise. In here no one should be above none, everyone should be equal. But in reality we do not see anything like that. Everywhere around the world man is the head of the family and man empowers woman. Like it has been like for centuries. For man it is like that and they feel good about it. They do not stop to think about it. They are better and they should rule that’s it. There shouldn’t be any discussion about this. To a man it is normal to have the power to himself. He does not want to share. Man is like that. They are dominant on woman, and they always will be.
Woman’s perspective : Woman on the other hand has always laid low. They understood man’s hunger to rule over them and they have always been silent. The cause of the silence maybe that man ruled the world and they (women) weren’t allowed to interfere. But though the times have changed, life still exists as it was before. When a man does something little it has always been praised. But for a woman to get that same amount of praise needed more work. But at least in marriage they should’ve been free. But they are not. In a family women are also ruled by men. For a man success is easy compared to woman. If a man succeeds at work, he’s praised for that no matter what his family is. But for a woman to succeed she had to finish her chore’s at home and then she is qualified to compete. When women exert power they feel guilty and they are not rewarded at all in society. But when man exerts power, he is rewarded. Maybe the society condition’s people so it would be like this. Woman themselves want to prosper too. But they are bound in the society’s smallest institution. A family.
The perspective where I come from : I come from Bangladesh. In there its not different at all. Society force woman to stay home and handle the family. Like it was a job they were born to do. In the urban area its still a little better. But in the rural area’s woman’s are tormented. Just even a few decades ago if a new born child was a boy then everybody rejoiced compared to a girl, no one cares about that. Though it is much improved now but it is still a lot worse then the outside world. Women in Bangladesh goes through a lot. When they get married they have to pay dowry to the husbands family. After that she had to do all the chores in the family and she could say nothing to whatever her husband does. And that also includes if he marries again she could say nothing. And that’s not all she could be beaten to death and no one would say anything. Most of the people almost gets away with it. But if woman does anything like that they are sure to get caught and sent to the police. Most of this happens cause the rural people are not educated. That’s one point another point is they never see woman as human being. They see them as a body they need to use and as a slave. But now a days it is much improved. As the government and lot of NGO’s are helping woman like these. Cause if any man leave a woman its almost impossible for that woman to get married again. That’s why NGO’s are helping them to stand on their feet. Not to be depended upon a man. But to earn your own living. This is the rural part of the country. But the urban part is lot improved comparing to rural part. Over here woman are still being ruled on. But its not as bad as the rural area.
Conclusion : The thing is what ever we say or do won’t change the fact. If a woman wants to do anything about it they have to stand up now. That they should have the same advantages as a man. And they also have the right to be treated that way. And family is where they should begin. It is the place where both of the partners should compromise, not one ruling over another.