Somebody knocks on door:
- Who is there?
- What do you want?
- We want to talk.
- How many of you are there?
- So talk with each other.
There are two types of guests: the ones, who want to stay longer, and the ones, who want to go home asap. Strangely enough, these two types are normally found in married couples.
What's worse than eating an apple and finding a worm?
Eating an apple and finding half a worm.
Broccoli: "It seems to me that I am like a tree."
Walnut: "And I'm like little brains."
Mushroom: "Ha, but I look like an umbrella."
Banana: "I do not like this conversation..."
Men are having a good time in bar, just one sits sad.
- Peter, why are you so sad?
- My wife was diagnosed with AIDS... Men, just kidding. Why all of you get so scared?
A singer during his tour arrives to a small province town and asks for a pretty high fee: - Everybody knows me – says he to the chairman of local culture office, trying to persuade him. Finally the concert takes place, but only three people came to it. - You are a liar, you told me that everyone knows you, but only three man came to your concert, - rebels the chairman. - Of course, - says the singer – only those three came, who didn’t know me.
In a restaurant:
- What would you like to eat?
- I would prefer to read the menu first.
- If you want to read, go to the library.
A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman to place 10 mugs and fill in with the beer. The bartender places mugs and starts filling them. The guy follows him and drink beer immediately. The bartender asks: -Why are you so in a hurry?
-If you would have, what I have, you would be also in a hurry. The bartender steps back a little bit and asks:
-And what do you have?
-Somewhere around 70 cents.
Funny jokes from daily life - Imprisonment
A mother writes a letter to her sun, who is in a prison.
- Dear sun, life's so hard for me since they took you to a prison: nobody digs a vegetable garden, nobody plants potatos... The sun writes back to her mother:
- Mom, please stay away from the garden. If you start digging it, the police may come and both take you to a prison and prolong mine imprisonment.. Mother writes back to her sun:
- Darling, together with your last letter police came. They digged all over the garden, but haven't found anything. The left being extremely frustrated. Sun writes his mom:
- I helped as much, as I could with this. Please plant the potatos by yourself.
Funny jokes from daily life - A shot
- Doc, isn't it harmful to drink a shot before eating?
- No it's not, if you don't eat too often...
Funny jokes from daily life - Glasses
- Doc, I think I need to wear glasses
- Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
Funny jokes from daily life - Concert
The organizers of the concert complain to the conductor of a choir: - You were supposed to bring a mixed choir, but I can see only men here. - But it is a mixed choir – half of them know how to sing, and the other half- do not.
Funny jokes from daily life - Stupid
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
I really thought you already knew it.
Funny jokes from daily life- Teeth VS Tongue
Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
Funny jokes from daily life - the Boss
A boss took one of his employees to show his new sports car. "That is amazing" the employee was fascinated.
"That is true" replied boss "and if you set your new goals higher and work even harder I can get an even better car next year".
Funny jokes from daily life - Compliment
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Funny jokes from daily life - Driving
Man returning with his wife from guests. Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife. But there is only one problem, how to explain that to...
Please join StudyMode to read the full document