The Dark Side of Relationships
Why do women stay with men who beat and rape them? Why don't they leave? Why do they remain in abusive relationships even as the violence escalates?
Most women have at least one dependent who must be taken care of, many are not employed, their parents are either distant or unable or unwilling to help. She may lack the access to cash; she or the children may be in poor health, may face a decline in the living standard for herself and her children. Many older children may resent this decision. She may believe that she will be charged with desertion or losing the children and cash assets if she leaves. Some battered women have an ideology that may include: she does not believe in divorce, marriage is forever," till death do us part". They may believe that it is crucial to the children for them to have a mother and a father, no matter how terrible the father is, and she believes that she can put up with anything for the children's safety. She may be emotionally dependent on the man, having never relied upon herself for the simplest decision. The abuser may have managed to isolate her from her friends and family and she therefore feels that she has no one to turn to. She may feel responsible for his behavior and try to change herself, therefore giving herself a very low self-esteem. Since abuse comes in cycles, she believes that he is basically good and this time he has changed. (23)
Battered women understand that there is something wrong with men who alternately hurt them and then nurture them, though they do not know what causes this. They seem to think if they love them enough, give up enough, or submit to enough, that they will somehow be able to change the batterer's behavior. Battered women are trained to accept responsibility for the abuser's outburst. She is trained to make excuses for his imperfections; e.g. if she was a better wife he would not want to hit her.
First, let's define abuse, battering, and psychological abuse. According to West
Most women have at least one dependent who must be taken care of, many are not employed, their parents are either distant or unable or unwilling to help. She may lack the access to cash; she or the children may be in poor health, may face a decline in the living standard for herself and her children. Many older children may resent this decision. She may believe that she will be charged with desertion or losing the children and cash assets if she leaves. Some battered women have an ideology that may include: she does not believe in divorce, marriage is forever," till death do us part". They may believe that it is crucial to the children for them to have a mother and a father, no matter how terrible the father is, and she believes that she can put up with anything for the children's safety. She may be emotionally dependent on the man, having never relied upon herself for the simplest decision. The abuser may have managed to isolate her from her friends and family and she therefore feels that she has no one to turn to. She may feel responsible for his behavior and try to change herself, therefore giving herself a very low self-esteem. Since abuse comes in cycles, she believes that he is basically good and this time he has changed. (23)
Battered women understand that there is something wrong with men who alternately hurt them and then nurture them, though they do not know what causes this. They seem to think if they love them enough, give up enough, or submit to enough, that they will somehow be able to change the batterer's behavior. Battered women are trained to accept responsibility for the abuser's outburst. She is trained to make excuses for his imperfections; e.g. if she was a better wife he would not want to hit her.
First, let's define abuse, battering, and psychological abuse. According to West