5 pts. each: Rewrite (don’t just scratch out) the following sentences for more effective prose: active sentences, parallel structures, concision, You-centered tone, non-biased lang., positivity, etc.
1. We cannot ship your merchandise until we receive your check.
Unfortunately merchandise cannot be shipped until payment is received.
2. Failure to follow the directions may cause the blender to malfunction.
Blender malfunctions may occur if directions are not followed as indicated.
3. While standing under a falling anvil, a scream was heard throughout the canyon.
A scream was heard throughout the canyon from someone who was standing under a falling anvil.
4. Each nurse supplies her own uniforms.
Nurses purchase their own uniforms.
5. Our engineering center in Milford has the “Sohan House” blueprint, and because of this the manager there has agreed to send one to you from us.
The engineering center in Milford will send a blueprint of the “Sohan House”
6. Our career-guidance book will cover writing résumés, application letter writing, and techniques for interviewing.
Assistant in resume and application letter writing as well as interviews techniques can be found in our career-guidance book.
7. I am wondering if you would be so kind as to provide discount information about your sales.
May I please be provided with sales discount information
8. Once you select a benefits package, you can’t change it until the next annual enrollment period, which won’t occur until November 1.
Please keep in mind that the benefits package option can only be selected once a year during the enrollment period on November 1st
9. While installing Bob Dylan’s computer, a power spike tripped the circuit breaker.
A power spike occurred while installing Bob Dylan’s computer causing it to trip the circuit breaker.
10. Any alterations must