by William Steig
By Martin GarrettCurrie Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a hideous ogre named Shrek. His mother and father were both morbidly ugly, but shrek was gruesomely uglier than the two of them together. As a toddler, Shrek could already spew fire a full ninetynine yards and vent smoke from his ears.
Any snake foolish enough to try to bite him miraculously died on the spot. Narrator: One day, Shrek’s parents snarled things over and decided what to do with their son. Father: It’s time we sent Shrek packing. I’m tired of him stinking up the swamp and not being manly all the time. Mother: I concur. His unbearable fumes from his hairy armpits are making my knotted, tangled hairs fall right out. [ENTER SHREK] Shrek: Hey, mom! Hey, Pop! What’s up? Father: We’re kicking you out, nonmanly son! Mother: It’s time you disappear. Vanish from this swamp go out in the world to do your own fair share of damage. Mother and Father: Goodbye Shrek! [KICKING SHREK OUT] Shrek: Smell ya later! Father: You’re not manly. Narrator: And that day, Shrek left the black hole in which he had been hatched. END SCENE [ENTER SHREK AND TREES] Narrator: Shrek went slogging around, giving off horrid fumes.
Shrek: Ahh! How delightful it is to see the trees and flowers lean away from me as I walk by.
[Sigh] Thanks for letting me through! Narrator: Shrek came upon a witch in the middle of a field. Witch [Chanting]: “This is the way I cook my bats and buzzards
Stir my bats, taste my bats,
Season my buzzards in the morning;
Stew and brew and chew my buzzards and bats,
Diddle, fiddle and faddle my bats,
Early in the morning.” Shrek [Cackling]: “What a gorgeous stench!” Witch: My goodness, I feel sick! [Woozy] Witch: Whoa! You are one disgusting creature,completely unsanitary. Even I, a witch, who specializes in the disgusting, have never seen a creature as foul as