Should Girls Ask Boys Out?
April 28, 2013
Thesis: Although boys have always asked girls out, why can't girls return the favor; society today has changed and girls are asking boys out. I. Almost everybody is taught that tradition has always been that the boy has to ask the girl out, because this shows that he can be a man and take charge. a. This tradition goes back far as the eighteenth century.
b. Most boys who took interest in a girl they liked or were attracted to, nine times out of ten wanted to get to know her and in doing so by asking her out. c. A girl will never understand how much pressure and sense of masculine it puts on a boy to ask a girl out. II. Nowadays, people live in a civilized society with a continuous development. a. Women are stronger and more confident about themselves and certain situations than women in the past. b. Boys do not know how to handle rejection or failure, so they think that they can avoid rejection or failure by not asking a girl out all together. c. Boys would sometimes prefer for a girl to ask them out.
III. For those who agree with the idea or for those who do not, there are however pros and cons to asking a boy out. a. It seems sensible to go after what you want and take initiative. b. If he feels like you are extremely interested he might not be that interested. c. As one becomes more skilled, one’s chances of finding, appreciating, and deserving a more satisfying life partner greatly increases.
Professor J. Brantley
English Comp. II
28 April 2013
Should Girls’ Ask Boys’ Out
While both genders are timorous of what the other will say, this is the main reason why a lot of people never ask out the other gender until someone intervenes or someone works up the courage to say something. Although boys have always asked girls out, why can't girls return the favor; society today has changed and girls are asking boys out. They are becoming more confident because they feel they should not have to wait for a boy to ask if they really like him. My goal in this paper is to talk about how it is generally traditional for guys to ask girls out, the way society has changed and girls are becoming confident and feel equally able to ask men out. To achieve this goal, I have organized my paper into three main sections. In the first section, I provide an account of information regarding the traditions of dating and asking a girl or boy out. In the second section, I discuss how dating in todays’ society has changed and how boys have become scared to ask due to the fear of rejection. I end my paper with a third section that discusses and supports my decision of whether or not girls should ask boys out. This section also includes several opinions from others from blog sites and article reviews. I also include an appendix before the Work Cited that contains images of surveys taken by both sex on dating. Traditional
Almost everybody is taught that tradition has always been that the boy has to ask the girl out, because this shows that he can be a man and take charge. It is represented that men are the head of the household and are to take care of his family and be the final decision maker; and anything not according would make him less of a man. This tradition goes back far as the eighteenth century, where in order for a boy and girl to even go on a date, he had to ask her parents for their consent. Just as it is in marriage, the man is to ask the woman’s parents or father for her hand. For a girl to take the initiative in asking a boy out during these times, they were looked upon as being disrespectful, being out of place and a boy would respect them less. Most boys who took interest in a girl they liked or were attracted to, nine times out of ten wanted to get to know her and in doing so by asking her out. This leaving the boy having to take a chance with every decision he makes because oftentimes the girls truly believe the boys has to do everything. Not only were we taught that this was tradition, but we see it portrayed in pre-motion pictures as well. Like stated during an interview by Maddie Burks “Historically speaking, men have always played a more dominant role in relationships," Maddie said. "I think it's kind of stayed that way because girls like to feel taken care of. I mean not to the point where they can't do anything on their own, but it's nice to feel like someone's thinking about you." While there is nothing wrong with a girl wanting to feel protected or having a sense of security, a girl will never understand how much pressure and sense of masculine it puts on a boy to ask a girl out. Todays Society
In society today, many believe in the equality between men and women, and why a girl should not have to wait to be invited on a date, or out to dinner. Nowadays, people live in a civilized society with a continuous development. Furthermore, women are stronger and more confident about themselves and certain situations than women in the past, due to family situations, the work environment, and the fact that women now contribute effort in amplification of the country. While there are still some people of both genders who might not agree with girls asking boys out first, that does not make it wrong especially in these enlightened times when men and women are supposed to be on equal symmetries. I think that it is suitable and bolstered for girls to ask boys out. If a girl knows that boy really likes her, then she should act on how she feels. Also in todays’ society boys are not very buoyant. They do not know how to handle rejection or failure, so they think that they can avoid rejection or failure by not asking a girl out all together. As stated in a thread (essay review) on Should Girls Ask Boy Out? Help Me Correct Please “Besides that, people mentioned that the guy would prefer not asking and being able to near the girl than to take a chance by asking and being rejected. Definitely, if girls don't grab at the chance, it might be gone. Especially if the girl is very outgoing and the guys are shy”. From this statement it is gathered that boys would sometimes prefer for a girl to ask them out because they are tired of being rejected, and if no one says anything to the other party then they just missed out on the chance with that person. It also states that you might have a situation where sometimes the boy may be shy and nervous and the girl is totally opposite and is poised. So, one actually never knows until they go out on a limb and ask the person out. The Pros and Cons
While many people are quick to judge a girl when she takes the initiative to ask a guy out many also believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. When it comes to the situation where a girl asks a guy out, there are advantages and disadvantages in the situation. Girls do not want a guy to think that the girls are desperate or that they can do whatever they want because you have made it clear that your interested. Yes, it is a serious problem. However, without a doubt the same thing can happen at any time, even if the guy was the one who made the approach first. The pros and advantages of a girl asking a guy out consists of being confident, not waiting or missing out on the opportunity, actually getting the guy to say yes, and relieving the guy from the pressure of asking the girl. The cons/disadvantages of a girl asking a guy out are: being rejected, the guy might become indifferent or arrogant, and nothing romantic happens because the guy expects the girl to do everything. When a girl lets the guy choose her, she will end up with the guys who like her; oppose to when a girl makes the approach she gets the guy of her choosing. One of the advantages that come from a girl asking a guy out is that she does not have to wait for the guy to ask her and she wont miss out on the opportunity with the guy. When a girl approaches a guy, she already knows what her intensions are with the guy and shows that she is confident and makes a guy want to respect her more. Women who wait for a man to initiate romantic contact can find themselves waiting for weeks, months, or even years. Sometimes they don’t get the chance to wait that long because the man leaves or becomes involved with someone else. The best way to make sure you aren’t sitting waiting for an unknown amount of time is to take action. "Aloftyexistence." From this quote it can be gathered that when girls go ahead and put forth the effort to ask a guy out it could actually benefit her in more than one way. There have been several occasions to where a girl is to shy to ask a guy and the guy is scared to ask the girl in fear of rejection. And if both parties do not have the courage to say anything the guy may end up asking a girl out that he knows will not reject him, leaving the girl that really wanted to talk to the guy without a chance to ask him out. When a girl ask a guy out it can sometimes give her the upper hand in the relationship and shows that she is truly self-possessed about what exactly it is that she wants. “The guy would be more receptive of the girl, because often times he already knows that he is interested in the girl, and it will catch the guy off guard and give the girl more leverage in the relationship” (D. Tolbert) After interviewing a colleague on his perceptive of the pros from a girl asking a guy out, it gave me insight on how guys feel about the girls asking guys out and how they really feel about the situation. Being rejected is definitely something that no one wants to experience. It takes a lot of courage not only for guys to ask girls out, but twice as much for a girl to ask a guy out. Not only has she built up her self-esteem and confidence but she has also set her pride aside and is will to take the role that a guy would normally have. When a girl gets rejected it may also cause the girl to second-guess herself, aside from her being hurt; sometimes it happened and it’s not as bad as it’s made out to be. “Sometimes you approach a guy and end up with nothing to show for it. You may end up becoming friends, which isn’t terrible, but probably not what you were looking for. Other times there are no tangible results; you part ways and contact dwindles or simply put, nothing happens.” (Aloftyexistence) Sometimes approaching a guy or making the first move is not always the best. Another disadvantage from asking a guy out could result in him being to relaxed and feeling like he does not have to put forth as much effort into the relationship as he would if he was the one who actually asked the girl out. The romance may be lacking in the relationship or the guy could appreciate the fact that you had the courage to approach him, and then in the end just really want to be the girl’s friend. As girls continuously ask guys out the girl will eventually start to realize what type of guy it is that she wants. She will learn the proper approach, what to say and how to say it. Her confidence will increase and she will become relaxed and comfortable with asking a guy out. This can often times resort in good future relationships. Conclusion
From doing research, reading articles and interviewing colleagues, it has proven to me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out. Most guys love it when girls ask them out. It means that she's in control and knows what she wants. It's very stereotypical that guys have to ask out the girls. We have to stop letting societies standards dictate our lives. We as Americans are the only one who can choose what to do and the decisions we choose to make. While there are some people both guys and girls who might not agree with girls asking guys out first, does not make it wrong especially in these enlightened times when men and women are supposed to be on equal footings. So to the girls who have no problem asking a guy out, I say bravo. To the girls who have a problem doing it, I say you have to stop asking for equality if you can not do things on an equal footing with the guys and take the good with the bad. (Can a Girl Ask a Guy Out?)
Today, Are Women Asking Men Out on First Dates? No.
From The first question we asked was whether they preferred to ask someone out, or would rather be asked out on a date. Figure 1-1 shows the percentage of males and females who would prefer to be asked out, or asked someone out.
As noted in the histogram, a great majority of the women, 93%, preferred to be asked out -- only 6% preferred to do the asking. The majority of men preferred to do the asking, 83%, while 16% preferred to be asked out on a date. It is interesting that more men preferred to be asked out (16%) than there were women who preferred to do the asking (6%). That difference suggests that 10% of men may be waiting quite a while for a woman to ask them out on a first date.
"Aloftyexistence." Aloftyexistence. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Apr. 2013. "Can a Girl Ask a Guy Out?" Yahoo! Answers. Yahoo!, n.d. Web. 30 Apr. 2013. Hamdan, Merahm. "Boy Meets Girl." New Cannan High Schools Rampage. N.p., 2007. Web. 10
Mills, Michael, Ph.D. "Why Don't Women Ask Men Out on First Dates?" The How and Why of Sex Differences (2011): n. pag. Web. 30 Apr. 2011. .
"Thread: Should Girls Ask Boy Out? Help Me Correct Please." UsingEnglishcom ESL Forum
RSS. N.p., 3 Mar. 2010. Web. 10 Mar. 2013.
Tolbert, Damen. "The Pros and Cons of Asking a Guy out." Personal interview. 28 Apr. 2013.