Scuba Duba Monologue on "Telling It as It Is"

Scuba Duba Monologue
Bruce Jay Freeman

Now that’s the kind of talk I like. It’s late and you just came right out and said it was late. It’s not that late actually, but that’s not what I’m getting at. I think you ought to call a thing the way it is. I got this guy works for me and he’s bald, see. Oh, he’s got a little swirl of a thing sitting back there on his head and he kind of brings it forward but for Christ’s sake, the man is a skinhead, no two ways about it. Well, I could putter around and pretend I didn’t even notice, you know, kind of kid him along. But I don’t see. He comes into my office every morning with a report and I don’t let two minutes go by before I say, “Hey there, Small” —that’s his name—“”I see you’re parting your hair in the middle.” Now he chokes up a little and I’m not about to say that he eats it up exactly —but for Christ’s sake, I’ve laid the thing right out on the table instead of pretending it’s not there. And, of course, to spare his feelings I’ve kind of blended it in with a little humor, which I believe in doing. The parting your hair in the middle part. That’s humorous. It’s not like I said “Get your tail in here, you bald son of a bitch” or anything. They do that in some offices. But I kind of skirt around the edges. That’s how I keep my employees. You got a Chinese restaurant around