Active and Passive Desire in Fantasy
“ Of course the woman does not want to be raped in reality, but the fantasy may be the basis for her relations with men, so that in order to have sex she needs to say 'No,' by which she will mean 'Yes, but only because you “force” me to have what I really want.'” (Sex Exposed; pg. 143)
This is dangerous ground for men and women and the understanding of the rape fantasy. Too often people get confused and feel there is a blurred line between fantasy and reality. We need to understand the difference between the two. In this essay, Elizabeth Cowie outlines the formation of fantasies based on Freud's psychoanalytic perspectives. It's complicated to fully understand and sometimes I think I get it, and then I don't, and then again I do. This is why people make entire careers out of interpreting what Freud wrote. It starts with the primal fantasy of the child imagining what the parents are doing in his/her absence. The child feels anxiety over the loss of constant pleasure from the caregiver. The child imagines replacing the mother or father aggressively in order to be back inside the womb and to punish them for excluding the child to begin with. The passive aspect of the psyche wishes to receive pleasure from the care giver and also fears punishment for his/her desire to aggressively replace the other parent. These are all scenarios thought out as ways to overcome the confusion and anxiety of the loss, and strategies for not having to deal with reality. The repressed wish is satisfied by the formation of the fantasy of passively being forced, thus both being punished and fulfilling desire. What I find problematic in the rape fantasy is the misinterpretation of it, that 'women want to be raped.' In legal terms, rape is a forcible, violent act. The 'rape' fantasy is about seduction and desire. Some of this comes from the conditioning girls still...
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