Is there any self-help for premature ejaculation?
Alas, premature ejaculation ("PE") is the easiest of all sexual dysfunctions to "fix." Please also note that because "premature" is a relative matter, that the following techniques that teach (recondition) the body of a 15 second guy to last 3 minutes will also teach a 2 minute guy last 10 minutes. As you read the following, please think of the model of "total number of times the nerves fire -- get stimulated." If your penis gets vigorous stimulation you experience orgasm soon (lots of nerves firing often in a short period of time). If your penis gets gentle stimulation, it takes longer before you have an orgasm (lots of nerves firing less often, over a prolonged period of time).
You are experiencing PE if you can last 3 to 10 minutes by yourself, but only zero to 30 seconds when in contact with your lover IN THE ABSENCE OF OTHER FACTORS (see #5, below).
You are NOT experiencing PE when:
1) You often engage in foreplay involving stimulation of the penis for a prolonged time (15 to 90 minutes -- depends on the penis), then when the penis begins to penetrate the vagina, you experience orgasm. You might enjoy long periods of stimulation, but your penis can take just so much before it reflexes (like a sneeze) in orgasm.
2) You can last 10 minutes but your lover is unable to achieve orgasm until 15 minutes. This idea comes from the feminist assertion that "If you come before I come (no matter how long it takes) you're a premature ejaculator."
3) In the morning you "last" 90 seconds, and in the evening you "last" 10 minutes. This is most likely a reflection of numerous forces acting in concert: serum testosterone (energizes your penis) is at its peak just before you wake up; dinner might be competing with blood flow to the penis; alcohol, stress, tiredness all interfere with sexual response, etc.
4) With all former lovers you had no PE problem but your current lover is drop dead gorgeous and sexually wild and crazy. Adrenaline plays a part in sex, and if you are pumped with anticipation, fear of not living up to what you think her expectations are, or other fears (see #5, below), expect to either have a "hair trigger" (PE) or lose your erection. This is called "situationality" -- having a problem with one lover but not with others. It's not "you." It's your response to this stimulus compared to your response to another stimulus.
5) You last 3-10 minutes by yourself, but last less than 30 seconds during (or when about to have) intercourse WHEN: you are inexperienced (hyper excited and don't know what to expect), afraid of: getting caught; pregnancy; failing; not being able to please your lover enough; losing your erection, etc. Adrenaline from other factors can accelerate your (and your lover's) excitement which can cause rapid ejaculation.
PE is NOT PE unless you have a cool, calm, relaxed opportunity for lovemaking without unreasonable time pressures. If you have any other contaminating factors, the problem is not your ejaculation time, it's environmental (or mental). Fix those factors and expect the "PE" to go away. Any questions?
SO IF you still think you have PE, here's what to do:
STEP 1: Establish your time baseline. With privacy, do what you usually do (book, magazine, video, fantasy) when you want to have sex with yourself. Note the time. How long does it take from first penile stimulation to ejaculation.
STEP 2: Make sure that you are acutely and precisely aware of the "Point Of Inevitability" ("POI"). That's the internal pelvic sensation that from that millisecond on, nothing you can do will stop the orgasm/ejaculation. Not the termination of touch, not someone walking in on you, not even dipping John Henry (your pet name for your penis) in a bucket of ice water. Tune into the sensations JUST BEFORE the POI.
Step 3: As you approach the POI, use one of the...
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