This reflection will discuss personal diffidence and how it has influenced my academic studies, including my practice within placement settings. Gibbs reflective cycle (Gibbs, 1998) has been utilised as it illustrates a clear structure for the process of reflection. To conclude this reflection will draw together the themes which have emerged and highlight a clear action for future learning that will be used in order to enhance my future practice. Within my previous occupation as a health care assistant I was subject to workplace bulling which was allowed to continue for an extensive period of time due to ineffective management of the situation. Vartia (2001, p.68) suggests that one of the consequences for the targets of workplace bulling is a feeling of low self confidence. This is indeed true of myself; although this occurred prior to commencement of university, I perceive that I am diffident stemming from this experience. This diffidence has influenced my academic studies and my practice upon placement. Feelings:
I feel that I find it challenging to settle down within new groups of people. Whilst on placement I feel it takes a significant amount of time to work within my fullest capacity within the team. Spouse (2008, p.21) state that entering a new placement area can be a daunting experience; suggesting this may be because you are joining a team of strangers who already know each other. However I feel that my previous experience has heightened my apprehension and indeed Bach and Grant (2009) suggest past experience contributes to our attitudes and values and affects what we notice about other peoples behaviour and how we interpret it. Therefore I may unintentionally be vigilant for behaviour that represents past experience. I feel I become emotive when conflict arises both upon placement and within the university environment; therefore I have a tendency to avoid sources of conflict. Furthermore; although I am aware of the need to challenge poor practice witnessed and have done so within the past; it is something that I find particularly challenging and uncomfortable to deal with. I find it uncomfortable to challenge people because I perceive this as a negative source of conflict. I am somewhat afraid of the reactions this may evoke and the impact this could have on my working relationships within the team I am placed. Within my academic studies in the university learning environment specifically; this diffidence has manifested as an apprehension of speaking within groups. This is especially apparent when it is required to perform group presentations. Although my one to one communication and communication within familiar groups is of good quality, communication within unfamiliar groups can be hindered by this diffidence. I am concerned that if allowed to continue; diffidence could be detrimental to my future practice as a nurse. Hagbaghery et (2004) qualitative research findings suggest that nurses perceive competence and self confidence as the most important personal factors influencing nurses clinical decision making, therefore in order to enhance my future practice I feel that it is imperative that I overcome this. Evaluation:
Upon evaluation of these feelings I perceive I have progressed and gained confidence thus far, however there is still margin for improvement. I feel that upon a recent eight week placement period whereby I moved across four placement settings; I had an abundance of practice within adapting and participating within new teams. Although I felt that transition across four settings somewhat hindered myself working to my fullest capacity; the positive aspect of this was that it facilitated gain in self confidence. Nash, Lemcke and Sacre (2008) suggest that initially when encountering a new workplace culture trying to be accepted within this new culture can be uncomforting and lead to feelings of inadequacy; however by the end of this eight week period I feel I gained a significant amount of...
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