Personal Narrative: Trauma In Relationships
There were times in my live that I really did struggle with friendship interactions. I always have a deep feeling of caring for my friends and at times I can be emotional and not as rational when it comes to these relationships, especially following my trauma experience from my medical problems. The reason I do not have many friends at the moment is due to me always snapping at them for not always putting the effort into the friendship. For example, I might say that “You hardly ever talk to me” or “how come you cannot make plans for me when you do for others?” Whenever I tend point those things out to my friends they just either take it or snap back at me. This bothers me even more because my friends will just fall off the radar for a while
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If I were on the other side, I would get defensive as well. Honestly, I was already being defensive towards my friends due to their lack of any effort of them trying to contact me. I tried being supportive of my friends when they said they were busy or poor. I would say, “That is fine. Maybe next week?” But then, after a while it started to build up until the point I just snapped at them at every chance I had. It was horrifying now that I think about it. Perhaps the best thing I could of done was just had left it as “I’m sorry you’re busy or poor. Maybe in a week or so we can do something?” And just left it like that. No feelings hurt what so ever. I always have a hard time with my depression which caused me to feel like nobody cared or wanted to be around me. Being on meds that affects your mood only made it worse since my depression was amplified. I was so hurt every day that I felt they did not care about me anymore and I also pointed that out. They said they did, but I was not feeling it. Now that I look back as well, I always did snap at people as well who I thought were not as caring as they should have been towards me. I was struggling everyday trying to find self-worth within myself, that I kept having to find it in everyone else. I think that was what caused most of my emotional turmoil. I just had horrifying amount of depression and I did not know how to handle it. I went to
If I were on the other side, I would get defensive as well. Honestly, I was already being defensive towards my friends due to their lack of any effort of them trying to contact me. I tried being supportive of my friends when they said they were busy or poor. I would say, “That is fine. Maybe next week?” But then, after a while it started to build up until the point I just snapped at them at every chance I had. It was horrifying now that I think about it. Perhaps the best thing I could of done was just had left it as “I’m sorry you’re busy or poor. Maybe in a week or so we can do something?” And just left it like that. No feelings hurt what so ever. I always have a hard time with my depression which caused me to feel like nobody cared or wanted to be around me. Being on meds that affects your mood only made it worse since my depression was amplified. I was so hurt every day that I felt they did not care about me anymore and I also pointed that out. They said they did, but I was not feeling it. Now that I look back as well, I always did snap at people as well who I thought were not as caring as they should have been towards me. I was struggling everyday trying to find self-worth within myself, that I kept having to find it in everyone else. I think that was what caused most of my emotional turmoil. I just had horrifying amount of depression and I did not know how to handle it. I went to