Personal Narrative-Homosexuality
I got asked if I was gay in middle school gym class by prying girls as they saw me repeatedly miss foul shots. My answer was always “no”.
Looking back, I’m not even sure those prodding questions had any merit. However, the occasional jab of “that's gay” or brotherly love manifested by the word “faggot” were so prevalent that I began considering their validity. At what point does “gay” become more than a juvenile insult?
Ever since I was little I knew I was different, but I assumed I felt just as different as everyone else did... Why would I be special? In my pre-teen years my distinction became more evident — I was more interested in rocks than girls — but I chalked that up to a self righteous belief that I was just more mature for my age. …show more content…
I quickly realized I was forced to follow other people’s expectations — I was hugging girls to console them on their silly boy drama, picking nail colors and outfits for people I barely knew, and constantly self deprecating my manliness to assure others I was gay. It was the first time I felt the pressures of a stereotype weighing down on me; I was always American enough to crawl my way out of Hispanic stigmas, but I wasn’t “manly” enough to shake off those pertaining to my …show more content…
Although coming out should have been the start of being myself, it ended up being the start of wanting to not be myself. I became irrationally mad at the more feminine gay kids in school. I found it easy to place my frustration on them, thinking they were the ones setting up the stereotypes to which I had to conform. I made it my purpose to distinguish myself from the other gay kids and thought that by putting them down I could get out of all the newfound stereotypes that I had to deal with. I began to act as un-gay as I could. In fact, I was probably my “straightest” after coming out.
I realized only after reading an interview with David Sedaris — an author known for his work, not his sexuality — that you could be respected and gay. I want to be like him; my best descriptor can easily be “greatest geologist”.
Being gay defines me, the key is that it isn’t the only thing that defines me. All the prying questions, self doubt, sleepless nights, and misplaced anger were worth it, and I’m proud that I’m at a place where I can finally say that I am gay… and it’s not bad that we get the entire rainbow to ourselves
Looking back, I’m not even sure those prodding questions had any merit. However, the occasional jab of “that's gay” or brotherly love manifested by the word “faggot” were so prevalent that I began considering their validity. At what point does “gay” become more than a juvenile insult?
Ever since I was little I knew I was different, but I assumed I felt just as different as everyone else did... Why would I be special? In my pre-teen years my distinction became more evident — I was more interested in rocks than girls — but I chalked that up to a self righteous belief that I was just more mature for my age. …show more content…
I quickly realized I was forced to follow other people’s expectations — I was hugging girls to console them on their silly boy drama, picking nail colors and outfits for people I barely knew, and constantly self deprecating my manliness to assure others I was gay. It was the first time I felt the pressures of a stereotype weighing down on me; I was always American enough to crawl my way out of Hispanic stigmas, but I wasn’t “manly” enough to shake off those pertaining to my …show more content…
Although coming out should have been the start of being myself, it ended up being the start of wanting to not be myself. I became irrationally mad at the more feminine gay kids in school. I found it easy to place my frustration on them, thinking they were the ones setting up the stereotypes to which I had to conform. I made it my purpose to distinguish myself from the other gay kids and thought that by putting them down I could get out of all the newfound stereotypes that I had to deal with. I began to act as un-gay as I could. In fact, I was probably my “straightest” after coming out.
I realized only after reading an interview with David Sedaris — an author known for his work, not his sexuality — that you could be respected and gay. I want to be like him; my best descriptor can easily be “greatest geologist”.
Being gay defines me, the key is that it isn’t the only thing that defines me. All the prying questions, self doubt, sleepless nights, and misplaced anger were worth it, and I’m proud that I’m at a place where I can finally say that I am gay… and it’s not bad that we get the entire rainbow to ourselves