Personal Conflict Style Analysis

The scores that I calculated on the “Measuring Your Conflict Style” assessment tool confirmed my beliefs about my personal conflict style. I completed the tool reflecting my relationship with my ex-husband and then for the less personal relationship I chose a former manager at work. In the first case my scores were avoiding 9, dominating 25, compromising 6, obliging 8, and integrating 12. The second set of scores reflecting my relationship with my former boss were avoiding 10, dominating 20, compromising 13, obliging 14, and integrating 16.
In my relationship with my ex-husband, I felt overpowered and controlled constantly. I developed a conflict style that focused on the need to dominate conflictual situations so that I felt heard. I felt compromise was impossible and had very little desire to oblige him to meet his needs. My scores reveal a different relationship with my former manager in that I was in a situation where I needed to achieve more of a balance with our employer/employee status, however, my scores were still proportional to my first scores. My style remained consistent in both personal and less personal situations just in a “toned down version” necessary for a work environment.
As Hocker and Wilmont posit “having a choice of styles will enhance your chances for productive conflict” (p.145). Unfortunately, in my case continually returning to a dominating style inevitably set up each of these situations as a win-lose