Nursing Home Loss

Preface
People who have to leave their homes and families and move into a nursing home experience lots of grief and loss. This article is designed to help the family members and friends to better understand these losses and how they are expressed in words, actions, and/or emotions. During this time of change these people are experiencing one of the most difficult periods of their lives. Not only is it difficult for the person making the move, but also for that person's family and friends. Handling grief and loss also involves the staff and the volunteers working in the nursing home.
Frequently people being placed in a nursing home look at it as a one-stop place before dying. This feeling has nothing to do with the quality of care that the
Statements such as these are quite difficult for family and friends to hear and accept. In response, they may try to change the person or close the person off when they talk. Trying to prevent the person from talking about such things will only cause them to turn their feelings inward and perhaps develop more severe problems later. They need the freedom to express these feelings outwardly in order to relieve some of the pressure and sadness they are experiencing. Quite often, just letting them express these thoughts and feelings outwardly can be very healing for them. No reply or comment is necessary--just a slight indication that you are listening to them. Most of the time their negative comments are really cover statements for their true feelings. It is often very helpful to do reflective listening as they talk to you in this negative manner. For example, they might say to you "I don't know why God didn't take me first." Your reflective statement could be "It sounds like you are really sad or lonely now." A statement like this gives them an opportunity to share their real feelings with you. You are giving them a real gift by doing this, because as they proceed to share their feelings of sadness
Regression is a way for them to return to a time and place where they felt safe and loved. Older people usually regress to a time when they were children at home. Mom and Dad were present then and were able to help them with their problems. Now, as they are in a nursing home, they will talk about their childhood days in order to feel safe. They may become so involved with this regression and grieve so much that they will rely on this device most of the time. They will become so involved in that safe time that they will apply the names and actions of many years ago to friends and others in today's life. Even if we correct them, their behavior will not change. They are very focused on the safe past. Sometimes caregivers and family feel hurt when they are not identified properly. However, people who are using regression need to be accepted where they are, for we understand how helpful it is for them to feel safe.
Fear is another reaction to the losses--not only fear of the many changes taking place in their lives at this time, but perhaps also the fear that they are either dying or soon will be. Being a good listener is very important. If they share their fear and express it outwardly, and if we reflect back as we listen, they can understand the fear and the options they have. Also, to offer support or direct them to someone who can be supportive can be quite helpful when fear is