My life

August 15, 2014 Recently I lost someone very dear to me, my mom, and my grandma, although she was very loved by many. I can say that it seems like it is harder for my mom and grandma. They both loved her so much and you can tell it broke my mom some. She was sad today while looking through my great grandma’s things but it was worth everything to see all the stuff that she owns and read more about her life. Today we received the package of my great grandma’s things and journal’s about her life basically. So as I am sitting here procrastinating doing homework for my COLL 148 class and my BUSN 115 class I decided to write and this shall be the beginning of my long story hopefully one day my great grandchildren will be able to read about me as well. So I am 18 and a new college student. I recently graduated on June 14th, 2014, and I started college on July 7th, 2014. I can say that I have successfully almost finished my first session on college. It is going great I have in A in both classes and I think that is pretty good considering sometimes I really don’t do as well in school as I probably should. I guess I should also say that as of right now I am thinking about my trip next summer although we haven’t really paid for the tickets yet. So I guess you can say that I am not sure if I am really going or not going. Hopefully I can tell you soon. As you can see I am a girl who is kind of boy crazed right now and I hope that my children do not ever become as boy crazed or as girl crazed as their mother. So I am telling you now that if you read this and you know you were boy or girl crazed you got it from your mama. On June 18th, 2014 my whole life changed. I broke up with a guy I thought would be my whole world but it turns out he wasn’t he cheated on me and it broke my heart. I was very upset for a while and I think I took it out on my mom and on my family the ones that loved me the most and who never ever went away. I feel bad looking back on it because I hurt some people. But I think the main reason I was so upset was because I was in love with a guy that I thought I would be with for a very long time. Then I realized I was so mad because he made me fall so hard and I realized that as it probably meant nothing to my family it meant a lot to me because he told me things that no one had ever told me or ever said to me. I was completely his and nothing was ever going to get in the way of that. Then one day he told me he started liking another girl but he loved me so much more than he liked her so I let it go and we were happy again. Then he stopped answering my calls and stopped responding to my texts. There was a part of me that saw it coming after he told me about the girl and to this day I do not know if the girl he started liking was the same girl that he slept with. But what hurts is that I knew it was coming I knew something was going to happen and yet I never wanted to think about it ending. Then one day I texted him and said every time I call I get your voicemail. Then the heart breaking words he said I did something I am not proud of and it hurts you and I knew then and there that it was over there was not an “us” anymore. I knew that it was over and done for. It broke me I was finally broken and he was the one that did it. He took all my happiness the day he told me what he did. Then after a few months more like on July 10th, 2014 my happiness came back in the form of a guy named George and let me tell you he has made me so happy. Well that’s enough for today I think I have had enough looking back for one day. I need to now get back to my homework. If any of you like to procrastinate you know you also got that from mama or grandma in that case.
August 17, 2014 Here I am again amazing huh. Well then today was an ok day as well me and Pele rearranged our whole room there is a lot more space and not a lot of hair on the floor anymore. More like last night, it is 1:26 in the morning now. I am still stuck on writing my paper and it is due today well tomorrow at 1:59 am but that doesn’t matter I haven’t even started. But I am getting there I finished everything else so that is good that is the only thing left to do. But I will come back to this in an hour or two to tell you how my paper is going. I finally finished my paper which is amazing but for right now I am done writing for today.
September 6, 2014 Well here I am again let’s just say that it has been one hell of a week and it’s been one hell of a journey readjusting back to our time schedules since dads been home. I can say that it has been hard because we were all used to sleeping in until 3:00 or 4:00 pm. Shocking right I know, so today mom said that it was so nice to see all of us before a certain time, well I agree. It is somewhat weird being up this early I guess. So let me tell you what just went on my cousin Pele just got super mad at me. You want to know why well I’ll tell you, she was mad because I was putting away dishes. Crazy right! Never have I ever seen someone get so mad over dishes you know some people don’t like doing dishes and all I was doing was putting them away so she could put the other ones in the drainer. But I am not going to let that little thing bring me down from what I am about to share with you next. Hold on to your seat belts let’s just say that the guy I have loved for so many months the one that broke my heart for sleeping with another girl is back in my life and I hope he’s there for a while now. No I have not told mom and dad and I don’t feel the need to yet. Only because we aren’t actually together yet because the idiot is still with the girl he slept with. And I don’t know what to say because he told me the only reason he slept with her was because he wanted me so bad that while he was sleeping with her he was picturing me. Sounds weird and I don’t know somewhat cute in a way. But it still doesn’t give him the right to have done what he has done. So as of right now I think that we are ok and to hear his voice again and to hear him say that these past couple months have been as hard on him as they have been on me I have no idea where it is headed. But the feeling of having him back is such a rush, to see him on FaceTime again is something no one can take away from me now. I can honestly say that seeing his face hearing him laugh is something I don’t want to lose again. I don’t know what to say or do but all I know is that if his dumb self does what he did again I will never talk to him again. I have the urge to tell mom but I know that for some reason she would be mad and upset and I know for a fact that dad would be so mad in general because he hurt his little girl. I don’t know if they have been able to see that I have been happy for the last couple of days and it is because I have him again. Even though I know that the moment mom and dad find out that we are talking the way we used to I will be in tons of trouble. See but then I have the argument of what mom told me the other night. She told me that if you have to work so hard to love someone then it is not worth your time, but if he loves you the way you love him it will not be so hard and he will do everything to be with you. Or I think she said something like if he really loves you he will come back to you and the love you both have will be a two way street. I can’t tell you how many times since we talked Wednesday that he has told me that he is very sorry and that he never wishes he did it because now he feels like my parents will never accept him for the thing he did to me. They saw how many tears were shed and they saw what it did to me, so I don’t blame them at all. Everyone knew how much he meant to me because I never stopped talking about him. Sorry I am spending so much time on him but I honestly have to say that I think he will be my whole world again. I don’t know how to tell my parents and I don’t know what I am going to do about it all I know is that for right now he will be my little secret until I feel comfortable enough to talk to mom about it. So hopefully on one of the many drives we take to and from school I will get the courage to tell her first. For right now I am done.
September 7, 2014
Here I am again let’s talk about last night. Last night was the first time in months him and I have slept on FaceTime again, I just want to say that I slept so much better last night and it was because a peace of me that has been missing returned back to me. That might sound somewhat girly to all the guys in my family that read this but it doesn’t matter to me I feel like I can sleep better. The only bad thing is that he still has that other girl while still wanting to be with me. Yes I love him yes he still means the world to me and yes now that we are talking again I feel so much better. I missed him so much and it’s been hard the last couple months. But I have no idea what he is going to do after he breaks up with her. But I will be back I need to finish some homework before I continue this because I will feel the need to continue to explain why it feels so great to have him back in my life. I sometimes think that Mr. Greg Sinapoa has no idea how much of an impact he has on me. I don’t think any guy ever knows how much of impact they have on the girl that loves them. He was my world and now everything happening he is becoming a part of my life again and I have no idea what I should do. If I could go back in time to the day he decided that he needed to sleep with her because he wanted me so bad I would change that day in a heartbeat I would have tried so hard to make sure I was the one that did that with him. I think that it will bother me every once in a while when I think of it because it hurt me so bad. But pretty soon if he doesn’t decide between me or her I will just leave him again no matter how much it hurts me and my heart. I am not going to be his side girl or his main girl and know that he still has another girl. As of right now I don’t know what to do. I will give him two weeks and if he is not done with her by then, then I will tell him that it’s me or her. Not something that I will like doing so I really hope that I do not have to do that and I hope that it does not come to that. For right now that is all I have because I could go on for hours and I need to finish writing the rest of my profile process paper.
September 8, 2014 Well I guess there is nothing to tell my parents now. Just wish that I never would have fell for it again, I guess you can say you do stupid things for love. Or maybe that just makes me stupid I think that now that I think about it I wish that he never contacted me that day, I wish he never came back I was doing ok I was not crying over him anymore I finally got over him somewhat I was coming to terms that he was with someone else and that he was happy. I was coming to realize that we were never going to get back together and parts of me were starting to be ok with it. But now I have no idea what is wrong with me. Parts of me just want to take my heart out and just wish I could not feel anything anymore at least not feel anything for him anymore. It hurts now more than ever knowing he probably was making me feel this way just to break me down again. Just means I will not be contacting him for a very long time the next time I talk to him I will just be wishing him a happy birthday then that will be it again. It’s hard but I will get over it even if it kills me and my heart to do so. I was happy and I was slowly getting over him and it was because god put this other guy into the picture. Although it hurts me right now I am just done trying I am not putting up with anyone until I am done with college or more like my bachelor’s degree other than that I am staying single until then. I will have guy friends but that is all they will ever be I am not trying anymore cause I fall way too hard for people and in the end I end up hurt the most and I can’t take it anymore. I am calling it a night pretty soon I have shed so many tears today not something I wanted to do at all and I am saying now that it is not worth the time and effort I am putting in if he doesn’t show the same thing. Why would you go and change your number like what in the world did I do to you besides love you with all I have ever loved anyone with. Maybe that is my problem I love way too hard and no guy wants that. I think one day I will find someone who will love the love I give him and he will be the happiest guy in the world, as for now I just feel like crying myself to sleep so I will tell you how my day goes tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow so hopefully I will keep myself busy and I will have other things to worry about later on. Goodnight and sweet dreams.