Misconceptions: Why BDSM Is Fetishism

Public perception about BDSM is steeped in misconceptions. Many are too fast to judge something they cannot wrap their mind around, especially when pain is an associated element. Unlike a traditional power neutral relationship, in a BDSM relationship, one partner asserts dominance over another, and this is hard to fathom if one does not slant toward being dominate or submissive. Dominance and submission are about personalities, and what works in one pairing may not work in another.

If you find BDSM to be somewhat off-the-wall, take time to dispel any misconceptions you have. Perhaps a partner has approached you with BDSM concepts, and now you seek to enhance your understanding. If this is the case, you should be admired for your open mind,
Sure, the two can intersect, but fetishism involves deriving sexual pleasure from something specific, like a non-genital body part or an inanimate object, and does not encompass intercourse. For some, a fetish enhances existing sexual feelings, and for others, a fetish must be part of their sexual play in order for arousal to occur.

While there is overlap, an appreciation for BDSM is not having a *fetish for BDSM*. Incorporating fetishism into scenes is a common practice, but the two remain separate concepts. Fetishism lies more along the lines of a preference, while BDSM is more of a practice. Fetishes are normal, but those who must have the object of their fetish present in order to become stimulated, may want to address the reasons why, as their laser-focus on a fetish could be hampering their sex life as a
When consent is absent, this constitutes abuse and is *not* BDSM. Anyone in a relationship where they are being violated and/or controlled without their consent must recognize they are being abused, not engaging in a trusting partnership in the BDSM realm. Without permission, a Dom would not proceed. Anyone bypassing negotiation is not a Dom and uses BDSM as a veil to obscure abuse.

Submissives find the abuse stereotype hurtful because when BDSM relationships are based on a foundation of consent, they are healthy, despite the all-too-common public perception to the contrary. If you express your sexuality through BDSM sometimes or at all times, refusing to defend your choice is your right.

However, if you find yourself in such a position, the ideal way to shut down judgement is to insist they will never be forced to do what you do in your private life, and if they are, that is abuse, and not BDSM. If the conversation is constructive, take the time to articulately discuss safe words and how they are utilized to ensure consent.

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