Military Thesis Statement

The main point of your essay, is to describe how conscription would make are military less efficient. The point you're trying to make is clear in your thesis statement. What I think should be included is more support or an example of a country were conscription had negative impact. Without that support it sounds bias. You structured your essay in sequence you covered everything you mentioned in your introductory paragraph. I believe your introduction is the most memorable. The reason why, is that I can feel the passion your trying to invoke into the reader about why conscription wouldn't be good for our military. You transitioned very well from one topic to the next. I think you did well on your