Love Me In My Language

Topics: Interpersonal relationship, Love, Communication Pages: 5 (1090 words) Published: April 23, 2014


Love Me in My Language:
A Look at The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
University of Central Florida Nicholson School of Communication

Love Me in My Language:
A Look at The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor who also leads marriage enrichment seminars. Through counseling and observing various married couples, Chapman has theorized that there are different ways that different people perceive love. One person could feel especially loved when being hugged, while another could feel the same way when spending one on one time with their partner. According to Chapman, there are five “languages” we all speak. They are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Much like regular languages, each person has a primary love language that they can speak best and that makes them feel the most loved. This book takes a look at each language and explains various ways one can show love to one’s partner depending on which is their primary love language.

According to chapter five in Family Communication, there are five maintenance strategies that play key roles in romantic relationship maintenance. These maintenance strategies are positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks. People can fulfill these strategies according to their partner’s love language.

For someone whose primary love language is physical touch, the ways their partner touches them can communicate the romantic relationship maintenance strategies. They can communicate positivity by, when holding hands, squeezing their partner’s hand to display positive feedback. To communicate openness, partners can offer a hug to show they care and they are listening. Partners can provide assurances through physical touch by maintaining constant physical contact and random kisses on their forehead. Social networks can contribute to filling their love tank with hugs. Physical touch can be displayed through sharing tasks by finding random ways to “brush” them while completing the task.

People whose primary love language is words of affirmation feel the most loved when their partner compliments them genuinely. This can easily be used for positivity by encouraging the partner with positively reinforcing words. Words of affirmation can be used to encourage openness by constantly expressing how amazing the partner is or thanking them for being open. Sending random sweet text messages throughout the day or using an assertive, firm voice when reassuring the partner that they are loved can show assurances. Social networks can show love by their friends vocally reassuring them that they are there for them no matter what. When sharing tasks, partners can communicate love via words of affirmation by giving vocal feedback and encouraging one another when they do something especially well.

For those who feel the most loved when they get to spend quality time with their partner, that time can be used to communicate different things. Openness can easily be shown with quality time by having uninterrupted listening time for each partner. So one partner listens without reservations or judgments to what the other one has to say and after the action is reciprocated. Positivity can be communicated through quality time by having upgraded quality time with the partner by taking them to a nice restaurant and then going to play mini golf. This can be used as a reward and also an encouragement for positivity in the relationship. A partner whose love language is quality time can feel assured when the other partner takes time away from other less important tasks to spend it with them. Social networks can be used for quality time when the partner is unable to provide it or when they need a break. For sharing tasks, the act in general is quality time and therefore can be used as such very easily.

Acts of service are tasks someone...


References: Chapman, G. (2010). The 5 love languages the secret to love that lasts. (4th ed.). Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
Brommel, B., Bylund, C., & Galvin, K. (2012). Family communication cohesion and change. (8th ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.
Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender and relational characteristics. Journal of social and personal relationships, 8(217), doi: 10.1177/0265407591082004
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