Line Between Tough Love and Child Abuse
Poets and authors have tried to define love for centuries, whereas scientists have only recently started. Many of us know intuitively that love is a major purpose for living; (Blueprint, 2013) that connection is inherent in all that we do, and without love, we cannot survive as a species.
But what is love, and how do we know when we 're in it? First , let 's start off with what love isn 't. If someone asks you to do or say something that isn 't in your nature, that isn 't true love. (Smith, 2002) Although love does involve compromises between partners, someone who is in love with you will never ask you to change who you are in order to be loved.
True Love is caring. The ancient Greeks had many different names for different forms of love: passion, virtuous, affection for the family, desire, and general affection. But no matter how love is defined, they all hold a common trait: caring. (Blueprint, 2013)
True Love is attractive. Attraction and chemistry form the bond that allows people to mate. Without this romantic desire for another individual, a relationship is nothing more than lust or infatuation. True Love is attached. Like the mother-child bond, attachment comes after the initial attraction. Attachment is the long term love that appears anywhere from one to three years into a romantic relationship (sometimes sooner and very rarely after), and you 'll know you 've found it when you can honestly say, (Smith, 2002) "I 've seen the worst and the best you have to offer, and I still love you," while your partner feels the same way. True Love is committed. When it comes to true love, commitment is more than just monogamy. It’s the knowledge that your partner cares for you and has your back, no matter what the circumstances. People who are strongly committed to one another will, when faced with seemingly negative information about their partner, see only the positive. For example, a friend comments that your partner doesn 't say a lot. "Ah yes, he 's the
But what is love, and how do we know when we 're in it? First , let 's start off with what love isn 't. If someone asks you to do or say something that isn 't in your nature, that isn 't true love. (Smith, 2002) Although love does involve compromises between partners, someone who is in love with you will never ask you to change who you are in order to be loved.
True Love is caring. The ancient Greeks had many different names for different forms of love: passion, virtuous, affection for the family, desire, and general affection. But no matter how love is defined, they all hold a common trait: caring. (Blueprint, 2013)
True Love is attractive. Attraction and chemistry form the bond that allows people to mate. Without this romantic desire for another individual, a relationship is nothing more than lust or infatuation. True Love is attached. Like the mother-child bond, attachment comes after the initial attraction. Attachment is the long term love that appears anywhere from one to three years into a romantic relationship (sometimes sooner and very rarely after), and you 'll know you 've found it when you can honestly say, (Smith, 2002) "I 've seen the worst and the best you have to offer, and I still love you," while your partner feels the same way. True Love is committed. When it comes to true love, commitment is more than just monogamy. It’s the knowledge that your partner cares for you and has your back, no matter what the circumstances. People who are strongly committed to one another will, when faced with seemingly negative information about their partner, see only the positive. For example, a friend comments that your partner doesn 't say a lot. "Ah yes, he 's the
References: Chalk, R., Gibbons, A., & Scarupa, H.J. (2002). The multiple dimensions of child abuse and neglect: New insights into an old problem. Washington, DC: Child Trends. Available online: www.childtrends.org/files/ChildAbuseRB.pdf Conway, E.E Perry, B.D. (2001). The neurodevelopmental impact of violence in childhood. In D. Schetky & E. Benedek (Eds.), Textbook of child and adolescent forensic psychiatry. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press Perry, B.D. (2002). Childhood experience and the expression of genetic potential: What childhood neglect tells us about nature and nurture. Brain and Mind, 3, 79-100. Prevent Child Abuse America Prevent Child Abuse New York. (2001). Causes and consequences: The urgent need to prevent child abuse. Online: www.pca-ny.org/pdf/cancost.pdf. Accessed July 2003 Shore, R Silverman, A.B., Reinherz, H.Z., Giaconia, R.M. (1996). The long-term sequelae of child and adolescent abuse: A longitudinal community study. Child Abuse and Neglect, 20(8), 709-723. Teicher, M.D Thomlison, B. (1997). Risk and protective factors in child maltreatment. In Fraser, M.W. (Ed.) Risk and resilience in childhood: An ecological perspective. Washington, DC: NASW Press.