Jokes for Toastmasters

Topics: Horse, Bird, Tobias Pages: 2 (563 words) Published: April 4, 2013
The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally John had had enough. In exasperation one day, he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. He shook his fist at the parrot, but the parrot just got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arm and said: “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued: “May I ask what the chicken did?”

Bob and Pete had applied for jobs at a large company, and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them said the test was a breeze, except they were confused by the last question. "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant?"

"How did you answer that one?" asked Bob.
"I thought it was tough at first….then I thought of superintendent.,' "I think I got it right too" said Pete. "But I wrote down horticulturist." Two Horses
There was a farmer who had two horses.
The farmer couldn’t tell his two horses apart so he decided to ask his neighbour to help him out.

He went over to his neighbour’s farm...
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