Johnny Monologue

The last day I saw my son his friends were at the hospital. The nurse told me Johnny did not want to see me but I demanded but I forced myself in the room. I do not know why he did not want to see me because I did not do something wrong his dad also did nothing did nothing wrong. Why does he hate me and his dad he never sleeps here too I wonder why. Also why was he gone for a week I am so confused. I knew that me and his dad should be stricter and hit him one more time if he was never home by 9:00 and I more beatin for every minute that he is never home. We are so poor we can not even pay for a funeral for Johnny I told his dad stop drinking so much beer but that was when I was drunk also. How did he even die did he stab himself or not? His friends like Ponyboy if that even is that his real name made Johnny stab himself I will never forgive Johnny friends what they have done to Johnny.
The nurse said he got burned but how did he get burned did he burn himself with cigarettes but I checked his body there was no holes in his body. I knew that his friends were a bad influence on Johnny that is why we should of moved but we could not move because me and his dad drinked a lot of beer and liquor. Johnny friend Ponyboy gave me a weird look like I was the one who killed Johnny or I was the one who wanted to kill Johnny. I should not have wished Johnny to die because that fortune cookie was right someone in my family would die but I just brushed it off like it was nothing at