Jimmy John: A Short Story

Jimmy John was an ordinary Pastafarian. On an average day, Jimmy would find himself walking along the hallways of school, going to his job at a sub shop...called Jimmy John’s, and then, as per usual, worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster. One day, after a long day of school, and before a long session of worshipping, Jimmy John was crafting sandwiches. After about 30 minutes on the clock, Papa John burst through the door. Papa John was an avid Pizzafarian, choosing to worship the Giant Fire-Breathing Medium Size Domino’s Pizza. These two religions have been at war for many hours, causing disputes between at least three people...and resulting in, at most, one ruined pizza.

Papa John slowly approached the cash register and began removing something from a large sack...slowly at first, and then faster. Papa John had a sinister look on his tiny face, and when he finally held the object in his hands, Jimmy John shrieked; he had just been presented with a medium...slightly smaller than large...size...Little Caesar's pizza. “Oops, sorry, wrong guy”, Papa John exclaimed, embarrassed. He quickly sprinted from the sandwich shop, and ran to his car. Forty seconds later he returned with
The shop went quiet as a dark shadow cast itself over the entrance; Papa John began muttering at a faster rate, and Jimmy unknowingly began crushing a sandwich in his right hand. A moment later, the front door opened...and in stepped...the horrible...menacing...Little Caesars delivery guy. Papa John loudly exclaimed, “dang it”, and Jimmy sighed, “thank spaghetti”. The pizza delivery man politely asked, “did somebody order a -” CRASH! “A medium size Domino’s pizza”, finished the Giant Fire-Breathing Medium Size Domino’s Pizza. Jimmy John was in a state of panic, frantically crying, “oh no, oh no, oh no, oh