Importance Of Understanding Mothers And Daughters In Collaboration

Running Head: UNDERSTANDING MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS IN CONVERSATION

Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
Crystal Velasquez
American Military University

Professor Kelly Roach
COMM285
November 16, 2014

Relationships in general can be very confusing and conflicting at times. What everyone wants from a relationship can even vary, but the relationship between that of a mother and daughter, can be the most satisfying and disappointing all in one. A mothers words can be as comforting as a warm blanket and hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter’s night and as damaging as falling off your bike, scraping your knee, and landing in a thorn bush.
When I read the book “Your Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters
Instead of that yearning for such intimate communication, there is also that visceral pain that some daughters seem to have and blame their mothers for, the idea that “I owe this all to my mother.” I can recall the smallest remarks sparking the most significant response or outbursts as an adolescent and now I see the same reaction in my daughter as well. Tannen hit the nail on the head when she described some interactions like, “having to watch every word, like walking on eggshells” (Tannen, 2006) She also brought up something I never really gave much thought to, the difference between the message and the meta-message. She describes it by saying that the message is something that everyone can agree on, the literal or dictionary message, but the meta-message is how the message is perceived. For example, I could tell my daughter something to the effects of, “ I am really proud of you for bringing up your grades!” How I meant that was, I am genuinely proud, but how she would take it would be more along the lines of, “What so you were never proud of me before?” Crossing an invisible boundary was something that no mother wants to do, essentially triggering the anger from a daughter, the question or statement itself not being the cause but the
The love and intimacy between a mother and daughter can go from being so perfect, to pain and turmoil. I believe that Tannen gives good, standing, information on maintaining a great relationship with your daughter or mother, yet still walking that fine line that you dare not cross. Something that I found to be useful and I will try to implement within my family, would be communicating in writing. I find that sometimes when you just do not have the right words to say, that putting them down on paper allows for your thoughts to flow more fluently and leaves less room for discord. It can also give you the time to review it and edit the note as you see fit prior to giving it to your mother or daughter, this way you can be sure that what you are really trying to say, your message, comes across as clear as water. With your message being put out loud and clear, anger is less likely to arise from either of you and it will allow for some time to cool off, if you have already reached that point. Something that I will take away from this reading about interpersonal communication is that no matter how young or old a woman is, the way she chooses to communicate with her mother or daughter will have an everlasting impact on the both of them. The impact I want to have is that I want them both to know that I will always be that reassuring ear and shoulder to cry on, even