Copyright ® 2000 by Nicholas Boothman All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced—mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Boothman, Nicholas How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less/by Nicholas Boothman. p. cm. ISBN 0-7611-1940-X 1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Interpersonal relations. I. Title. BF637.C45 B655 2000 158.2—dc21 00-043236 Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below. WORKMAN PUBLISHING COMPANY, INC 708 Broadway New York, NY 10003-9555 www.workman.com Manufactured in the United States of America 201918 171615 1413 1211
To Wendy, of course.
What a glorious piece of synchronicity. My beautiful friend Kerry Nowensky, who commanded, "Write it down! Now!" My guardian angel Dorothea Helms, who said, "It's time to get yourself a great agent." My amazing agent Sheree Bykofsky, who bombarded me with support and commitment. The charismatic book publisher Peter Workman, who brings all his sense to bear on a book and surrounds himself with the finest talent to be found. And just when you thought you've seen and heard it all, along comes the astonishing Sally Kovalchick, who blows you away with her ability to inhale a manuscript and exhale a finished book. I offer you all my heartfelt thanks. You are living proof that other people are our greatest resource.
The "secret" of success is not very hard to figure out. The better you are at connecting with other people, the better the quality of your life.
I first discovered the secrets of getting along with people during my career as a fashion and advertising photographer. Whether it was working with a single model for a page in Vogue or 400 people aboard a ship to promote a Norwegian cruise line, it was obvious that for me photography was more about clicking with people than about clicking with a camera. What's more, it didn't matter if the shoot was taking place in the lobby of the Ritz Hotel in San Francisco or a ramshackle hut on the side of a mountain in Africa: the principles for establishing rapport were universal. For as long as I can remember, I have found it easy to get along with people. Could it be a gift? Is there such a thing as a natural talent for getting along with people, or is it something we learn along the way? And if it can be learned, can it be taught? I decided to find out. I knew from 25 years of shooting still photographs for magazines all over the world that attitude and body language are paramount to creating a strong visual impression—magazine ads have less than two seconds to capture the reader's attention. I was also aware that there xiii
was a way of using body language and voice tone to make perfect strangers feel comfortable and cooperative. My third realization was that a few well-chosen words could evoke expression, mood and action in almost any subject. With these insights under my belt, I decided to look a little deeper. Why is it easier to get on with some people than with others? Why can I have an interesting conversation with a person I've just met, while someone else might dismiss that same person as boring or threatening? Clearly, something must be happening on a level beyond our conscious awareness, but what is it? It was at this point in my quest that I came across the early work of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder at UCLA in a subject with the unwieldy name of NeuroLinguistic Programming, NLP for short. Many of the things I had been doing intuitively as a photographer, these two men and their...
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