How To Build Suspense In Keepers
KEEPERS is an original supernatural gothic horror tale that presents with an excellent concept. The idea of a mother leaving behind a will that stipulates that the men in her life are eligible to become the guardians or keepers of her kids is very appealing, but add the idea that the children are evil or sinister, makes for an even more chilling and lurid tale.
The tone is dark. The setting nicely establishes the gothic atmosphere. It feels authentic and there’s an ominous and gloomy tenor to the script fitting with the story type.
The script uses some of the techniques that makes for a compelling psychological thriller or horror story, including an isolated setting, creepy noises and visual images, the sense of someone watching, the threat …show more content…
Consider moving this up. This is really the heart of the story. It’s about sinister children and the goal to get rid of the evil entity. Waiting so long is concerning as a producer may never get to this point.
Once Callum verbalizes his feelings about the kids, they ask a priest to pray over them. This is really the first “proactive” event by the hero.
Thus, essentially consider reorganizing the structure to move up the belief that the children are evil and that they have to do something about it. This is what should drive act two and act three.
Make sure to highlight a ticking clock tension and highlight the idea that the men can’t leave and are trapped in the town/house due to the water, flooding etc.
Also, clarify their motivation for staying. Both Callum and Piers don’t seem interested in the children at all. So it’s challenging to understand why they even honor the bequest. If they are interested in some inheritance or the “fortune” then this needs to be highlighted a bit more too. A fortune is mentioned but not clear …show more content…
If Callum were a character truly in love with Philippa and his greatest desire were to be reunited with her and the children used this as a trick to gain his soul, it might work. However, he blames her for the deaths his in family and the reunion has no real payoff.
Some scenes feel a bit challenging to visualize such as the events on page 85 and the charcoal army.
In a lot of horror type of films, when the evil is detected, the group normally comes up with a series of activities they do to try and exorcise the evil. The updated film EVIL DEAD does a terrific job of this. They foreshadow three ways to get rid of the evil and they try, fail, and try again, as the tension and danger escalates. Consider something like this. It will help focus the structure and drive act two and three.
Trim some of the narrative descriptions. They are rich and detailed, but hinder the pace. They work for a novel, but less so for a script. For example, on page 2 the description is overly written. The idea is to setup Callum’s fear of water (which actually gets lost in the description).
HIGHLIGHTS TO CONSIDER
Consider an opening that sets the tone just a bit
The tone is dark. The setting nicely establishes the gothic atmosphere. It feels authentic and there’s an ominous and gloomy tenor to the script fitting with the story type.
The script uses some of the techniques that makes for a compelling psychological thriller or horror story, including an isolated setting, creepy noises and visual images, the sense of someone watching, the threat …show more content…
Consider moving this up. This is really the heart of the story. It’s about sinister children and the goal to get rid of the evil entity. Waiting so long is concerning as a producer may never get to this point.
Once Callum verbalizes his feelings about the kids, they ask a priest to pray over them. This is really the first “proactive” event by the hero.
Thus, essentially consider reorganizing the structure to move up the belief that the children are evil and that they have to do something about it. This is what should drive act two and act three.
Make sure to highlight a ticking clock tension and highlight the idea that the men can’t leave and are trapped in the town/house due to the water, flooding etc.
Also, clarify their motivation for staying. Both Callum and Piers don’t seem interested in the children at all. So it’s challenging to understand why they even honor the bequest. If they are interested in some inheritance or the “fortune” then this needs to be highlighted a bit more too. A fortune is mentioned but not clear …show more content…
If Callum were a character truly in love with Philippa and his greatest desire were to be reunited with her and the children used this as a trick to gain his soul, it might work. However, he blames her for the deaths his in family and the reunion has no real payoff.
Some scenes feel a bit challenging to visualize such as the events on page 85 and the charcoal army.
In a lot of horror type of films, when the evil is detected, the group normally comes up with a series of activities they do to try and exorcise the evil. The updated film EVIL DEAD does a terrific job of this. They foreshadow three ways to get rid of the evil and they try, fail, and try again, as the tension and danger escalates. Consider something like this. It will help focus the structure and drive act two and three.
Trim some of the narrative descriptions. They are rich and detailed, but hinder the pace. They work for a novel, but less so for a script. For example, on page 2 the description is overly written. The idea is to setup Callum’s fear of water (which actually gets lost in the description).
HIGHLIGHTS TO CONSIDER
Consider an opening that sets the tone just a bit