Hints to Young Wives

Referring to “Hints to Young Wives” by Fanny Fern This piece reminded me of the advice someone gave me once, “Never love anyone more than they love you.” When things were good, they were never good enough. When they are bad, it’s your fault. Relationships are a negotiation, not just a compromise. The negotiations begin with the first hello. The cement for the relationship starts drying within the first two weeks. Boundaries and rules are chiseled in the stone nonverbally. The initial action will set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Now that men and women are virtually on an equal playing field, you would think things would be better for the battle of the sexes. Since divorce is at an all time high, however, something must be amiss. Men are still expected to hold open doors and financially support their wives. Anything else is still considered taboo. Equality to women basically means no more expectations for them, though. A woman has no problem letting a man pick up the tab; it’s something we are supposed to do. From a woman’s point of view, however, it’s “What’s yours is ours and what’s mine is mine.” A lot of people suggest that a prenuptial arrangement will cast a shadow of doubt on a marriage; marriages are supposed to be a union of love. I hope those idealists don’t live in a community property state. The divorce rate says that you only have a fifty percent chance that your significant other will not find anything better, financially or otherwise. Your odds at the roulette wheel are better. In reality, a prenuptial is a tool that guarantees you are married for love. There can be no doubt that a marriage is for the right reasons if all you can gain from it is a kiss and a smile. Mrs. Fern advocates not letting your significant others know that you love them too much or they will walk all over you. That philosophy holds truer today than ever before. It’s very good advice, considering that it’s 152 years old. Watch “Eyes Wide Shut” a few hundred times. It’s not paranoia if it’s true. This essay is not a complaint. I would not change anything. I don’t regret women having equal rights and I would not even wish to go back in time to the pre-feminist movement. I like being able to tell a woman to get off the couch and go get a job. I like not having to pay for everything. If a woman wants to stay on the couch and be taken care of, that’s fine too. It’s my way or the highway. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.