Growing Up In An Abusive Home

The Causes and Effects of Growing up in an Abusive Home

Coming from an abusive home myself I personally know what the uncalled for causes and the dramatic effects of abuse are. During the ages of 5 until I was 16 my stepfather physically abused me almost daily. I get beat with a belt, a wire hanger, extension cords, wooden spoons or anything else he could get his hands on. I was 4 or 5 the first time it happened, he told me to clean my room and when he came to check on me I was not yet done. He then began to count to 10 and when he got there if I was not done he beat me. This would continue until my room was clean which seemed like an eternity but was more like 10 minutes. As I grew the beatings also grew and at some point when I was 13
I went from being the younger of 2 kids to being the middle of 7 in a matter of 3 years. No longer was the attention on me because it was on my 3 new stepbrothers and my new stepsister. Then 2 days before my 7th birthday my mom had my little sister, which meant that I would have to share my birthday with her now. I was very resentful towards my little sister for many years after that. So yes, I was a defiant child and then the beatings started and I got worse. All I wanted was attention and I really did not care how I got it. I would back talk my mom; totally disrespect my stepfather, beat up on my sisters and lied to everyone regularly. When I would ask my mom if I could have a friend over, my stepfather would answer for her and that irritated me. When he would do that I simply looked at him and would say, “Is your name mom!” and then I would ask my mom again. She usually would say the same thing my stepfather said but I did not care. I know that on several occasions I threatened both my mom and my stepfather with violence and showed no remorse for it. Skipping school became a regular thing for me in high school and I rarely go caught. When I did though I would get very aggressive when my mom or stepfather would punish me. They later admitted to me that they were afraid of me but I already knew that. I could see how it would be hard to handle a kid like that but still it is no reason to abuse
Being a defiant child may not last forever but the long-term effects can include low self-esteem. I can recall my stepfather telling me that I was fat, stupid, ugly and several other things when he would beat me. I began to believe this as some point in my life because the kids at school began to say the same things to me. I felt like an outcast and like no one would ever be my friend or love me at all. I don’t remember ever hearing my mom tell me she loved me but I heard her say it to my sisters all the time. Still to this day she never says it to me but does to my sisters and I don’t know why that is. I do not think very highly of myself now as an adult, though I try not to show it. Deep down inside I feel ugly, fat and stupid just like my stepfather use to say to me so many years ago. No matter how hard I have tried to forget the past or tell myself that I am good enough to be loved, the thought will not leave my head. It follows me in my everyday life and I fear that it will for the rest of my