Good and Bad of Persuasive Language

Report into the Proposal to allow all teachers a free supply of chocolate when teaching at Lakes Entrance Secondary College
Example 1
The purpose of this report is to discuss a proposal which has recently been made by teachers to the Principal of Lakes Entrance Secondary College, requesting that free supplies of chocolate be made readily available to all teaching staff when teaching. All teaching and support staff are in absolute agreement that this would bring many positive benefits to the school, and we will describe these benefits here.
Firstly, we are completely convinced that a free supply of chocolate would increase the number of happy faces both around the staff room and throughout school. At least 90% of teaching staff enjoy eating a variety of chocolate on a regular basis. If they were to be given this free, not only would it save them money but it would also save them going out to the shop to buy the aforementioned chocolate, giving them time to prepare more thoroughly for classes or catch up on marking. These two reasons, added with the delight that teacher would have when actually eating the chocolate, would most definitely make teachers happier and more relaxed.
Secondly, we passionately believe that the quality of teaching would greatly improve if teachers were to be given a regular supply to Cadburys, Nestle and other assorted chocolate goodies. Teachers would actually increase the happy chemicals in their brain as a result of eating the delicious chocolate, and therefore would be more relaxed and ready to teach their classes. When they were sat struggling over a huge pile of books to mark, a mouthful of chocolate would wake them up and get their brains and red pens working again! What parent wouldn’t want their children being taught by happy, chocolate-fuelled teachers?
Thirdly, and finally, we are all in agreement that the pupils of Lakes Entrance Secondary College would benefit from their teachers receiving these free supplies of chocolate. Not only would they receive a better standard of teaching from happier staff, but they would most certainly receive less telling off! Teachers would be so happy from eating their free chocolate, that they would never have any reasons to shout at their pupils. In fact, even when the teachers have real reason to get upset with their class, they could simply reach into their draw and gobble down whatever delicious snack was nearby, which would most definitely make them feel better!
The staff at Lakes Entrance Secondary College ask you to seriously consider their proposal. We truly believe that a free and endless supply to chocolate would lead to happier staff, happier pupils and an all-round happier school. Surely no one can deny that an increase in chocolate within school grounds would be a wonderful thing?

Report into the Proposal to allow all teachers a free supply of chocolate when teaching at Lakes Entrance Secondary College
Example 2
The purpose of this report is to demand that the teaching staff at Lakes Entrance Secondary College are given a free supply of chocolate, to be made available to teaching staff within the hours present at school. This could bring a huge number of benefits to the school; we want our chocolate! GIVE IT TO US! This report is going to explain why teachers at our school MUST be given access to free and endless supplies of chocolate.
It’s ridiculous that we don’t have free chocolate in the staffroom and in classrooms every day. We all spend lots of money on it and we need it to do our job! Other schools have free chocolate supplies I’m sure, we should have the same as them. It’s not fair! How would you like it if you heard that other teachers in different schools were been given huge amounts of gorgeous chocolate but then you didn’t get so much as a free Dairy Milk in the staff room at lunchtime? We want it too. Or else!
This chocolate has often been made in our area and therefore it belongs in our bellies. Give it to us now! We won’t be able to work as well without this chocolate, and we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the different kinds that we want. Why haven’t we got this free chocolate already when it’s obvious that it’s ours and we really, really need it? Why? We want it! Give us our chocolate now!!!!!
We demand to have our chocolate now, otherwise we will have to stop working or something. I can barely write this report right now because my belly is rumbling so loudly; I’m so hungry. We cannot work in these conditions! We need our chocolate! We must have it!
So there it is, basically we must have our chocolate. We can no longer keep silent on this matter. We need chocolate to survive on a daily basis in school. GIVE US OUR CHOCOLATE OR ELSE WE WILL GO ON STRIKE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! Do you want unhappy, chocolate-deprived staff or what? I’ll have Mars Bar please!