Gone Fishing by Todd McGinnis: Peter's Anti-Cell Phone Rant
Monologue http://www.playingafterdark.com/men-monologues.htm
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Monologue from "GONE FISHIN'" by Todd McGinnis, Act 1
<Edited/altered by Byron>
PETER’S "ANTI-CELL PHONE RANT"
PETER: [(Sneering, mimicking.)"I need to check my voice mail"] I don't believe it. It's four in the morning, we're in the middle of a lake, gazillion miles from Nowhere Street and Nothing Boulevard and I still can't get away from people with those friggin' phones. (Muttering and mocking) "I need to check my voice-mail." (Sighs) I am getting so sick of hearing people say that. What is it with everybody these days and their stupid beepers and pagers and voice-mail and e-mail. And people get all stuck on the roof if their wife never replied a text, so their sittin’ their wondering, my wife could be in trouble. The next thing you know it, they calls the SWAT team over to his house. You got somethin' to say? Wait until the next time you're in the bloody room with the person and say it. (Mimic) [Of course, everyone always says they just "can’t afford to be out of touch that long."] (Frustrated) And you know, I might buy that argument if we were talking about a world leader, or a surgeon who saved someone’s bloody life, or even – I don't know – a volunteer fire-fighter whose on-call for some kitten stuck in a tree or something. (Clutches head, pauses, and finally says) But we're not. It's always some stupid, snotty teenager who just has to take a phone call in the middle of the movie at the movie theater just to text his girlfriend “I hope your dentist appointment goes well”. Or it's the stupid blonde bimbo who's always sitting ahead of you at the stoplight – (getting angry) smacking her friggin' bubble-gum inside her mouth and twirling her hair or doing her make-up – gossiping-away with some other airhead even though the bloody light's been green for almost a minute. OR… (Starts making huge hand gestures) it's some idiot, nerd, moron who
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Monologue from "GONE FISHIN'" by Todd McGinnis, Act 1
<Edited/altered by Byron>
PETER’S "ANTI-CELL PHONE RANT"
PETER: [(Sneering, mimicking.)"I need to check my voice mail"] I don't believe it. It's four in the morning, we're in the middle of a lake, gazillion miles from Nowhere Street and Nothing Boulevard and I still can't get away from people with those friggin' phones. (Muttering and mocking) "I need to check my voice-mail." (Sighs) I am getting so sick of hearing people say that. What is it with everybody these days and their stupid beepers and pagers and voice-mail and e-mail. And people get all stuck on the roof if their wife never replied a text, so their sittin’ their wondering, my wife could be in trouble. The next thing you know it, they calls the SWAT team over to his house. You got somethin' to say? Wait until the next time you're in the bloody room with the person and say it. (Mimic) [Of course, everyone always says they just "can’t afford to be out of touch that long."] (Frustrated) And you know, I might buy that argument if we were talking about a world leader, or a surgeon who saved someone’s bloody life, or even – I don't know – a volunteer fire-fighter whose on-call for some kitten stuck in a tree or something. (Clutches head, pauses, and finally says) But we're not. It's always some stupid, snotty teenager who just has to take a phone call in the middle of the movie at the movie theater just to text his girlfriend “I hope your dentist appointment goes well”. Or it's the stupid blonde bimbo who's always sitting ahead of you at the stoplight – (getting angry) smacking her friggin' bubble-gum inside her mouth and twirling her hair or doing her make-up – gossiping-away with some other airhead even though the bloody light's been green for almost a minute. OR… (Starts making huge hand gestures) it's some idiot, nerd, moron who