golobalization nowadays

Title:Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it cause the loss of national identities.Discuss on both views and give your opinion.

Globalization has brought significant effects on many countries. It is sometimes argued that the business and cultural contact between countries can benefit many countries. I believed this idea, although many countries show a tendency of losing their national identities when they contact with other ones in many ways.

Business and cultural contact enables people in many countries to have better lives. One country can improve its trade level by establish partnership with other ones,bringing itself much foreign exchanges. Thus,it’s economy can develop in a thriving way. People living there are possible to find jobs easily and earn more money. This is the case especially for developing countries like China.

However,the national identities are under the risk of being undermined because of the business and cultural contact. People are easily affected by foreign cultures, they may no longer take their national culture into account. For example, many young people prefer to spend a lot of time on studying foreign languages rather than their mother tongues. The national identities are likely to lose in a long time in countries like that.

In my opinion, contact between different countries in culture and business adds to the diversity of life in many countries. We can experience many kinds of culture because of the contact and one country can take advantage of other countries’ technologies to develop their own economy. Nowadays, festivals like the Christmas are worldwide and usually the production of things like cars is done by the cooperation of different factories in many countries.

To sum up,the increasing business and cultural contact between different countries has both advantages and disadvantages. As a country,it should make the best of the chances brought by the contact while avoid the drawbacks.

这是一个关于“globalization”的比较常见的题目。
文章用词过于简单，连接词太少，且多为简单句，无法表现出自己对语言的掌握程度。文章语法错误较少，单复数形式掌握得不错。
段与段之间有过渡，但条理性不强，第四段的中心意思跟第二段类似，可以合并到第二段去，以呼应开头“I belive……”。
论点不够明显，论证不够有力。在最后一段做总结的时候，没有提及到identities，没有紧扣题目的要求“discuss both views”.
字数达到要求，但“contact between different countries in culture and business”这样的短语重复了太多次，所以使整篇文章显得较为简单。建议今后多多练习同义词的替换，比如本文可以在后面使用“influences of globalization”。

建议：
文章的整体写作，可以参考慎小嶷的十天作文。第一段替换段，第二段正面说，第三段反面说（让步段），最后一段做总结。这样有逻辑，也紧凑，不至于文章很散。