Effective Communication between Men and Women
Many men and women find it quite difficult to understand exactly what their mates want. With this new boom of self-help books this is no longer a problem. Whether it is bad communication or dealing with petty arguments, there is a book out there for you and your partner. Although not all of the author's agree and there are many critics of these works, they do offer helpful insight into the world of communication in relationships between men and women.
For women understanding their husband or boyfriend can be a real hassle. In these cases it may seem as though men and women are from different planets, the main point to John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. According to Gray, men and women communicate completely differently almost speaking two languages. The male or "Martian" language is used most as " a general warning that he is either in his cave or on his way to the cave." This "cave" is a general term that Gray attributes to the quiet retreat men take in order to sort out their feelings or deal with a problem. When in their cave men want to be left alone in quiet solitude and may respond to women's inquiries about their problem with, "I'm okay" or "it is okay" (22). This is a frustrating situation for a concerned woman but according to Gray not worrying for a Martian will help him to exit the cave quicker and give him one less thing to worry about (25).
Women react quite differently when faced with problems or when communicating with their mate. According to John Gray, "to fully express feelings women assume poetic license and use various superlative, metaphors, and generalizations." Gray also explores how when taken literally by a Martian that this poetic Venusian talk can be easily misunderstood (17). It is these instances where men and women miss the exact meaning of each other's words, and for this reason Gray includes a Venusian/Martian dictionary in his book. This could be...
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Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 16-25.
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Ed. Marilyn Moller. Boston: Bedford, 2000. 8-16.
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