Ecuador Monologue

Why did this happen to me? That was a question I asked myself repetitively at that point, clicking website after website in a haze. Nothing seemed ok or right at the moment. There were no words so I was just searching. Online, the search I was doing was for songs. Songs that matched my feelings inside, things I didn’t yet have the words to explain or describe. I would listen to songs that matched my loneliness, desperation, anger, and lack of hope, trying to understand myself through my own tears. One summer my mother decided to send me to Ecuador for a month by myself. I was okay with her decision because I would be spending the whole summer with my family. While I was in Ecuador my family decided to go to the tropical part which was
The next day I didn't speak to anyone while we traveled back to Quito, until that night we got home. I was sitting at the computer crying to myself and trying to find songs that described my feelings. Then the phone rang, and it was Alex. He had spoken to my cousin to get me the morning after pill and telling her that he was really sorry for what he had done. That is when I crashed. My chest got tight, my palms were sweaty, and my legs started to shake because of how nervous I was on how my cousin would react. I felt that my life was over. When I explained what had happened no one believed me and everyone thought that I was just being provocative and that I wanted it to happen because of the mentality people have in Ecuador. Their mentality is to typically blame the women or girl in my situation. The next day I was taken to the gynecologist to see that everything was okay. I was given blood tests and other exams. After all the exams I waited a week for the results to come back. The reason that I wasn't able to move or say anything while the event was going on was because I was drugged with a mixture of Rohypnol and Ketamine. At that point everyone believed what had happened was