Donald Andrew Reiss

Donald Andrew Reiss, my father-in-law, is a 70-year-old retired Physicist, who worked at NASA his entire career. He married later in life and has been married for 19 years to one woman. Before he was married, his impressions were based on his observations of the marriages of his parents and their closest friends. Those impressions were positive, because the relationships he observed were stable and appeared to be happy. In my case there were two big factors that played a part in my negative views towards marriage. My first negative view stems from my parents’ marriage. It was clear growing up that my mother was unhappy. My impression of my father is that he was lazy in his effort towards the relationship. My parents’ divorce conveyed to me
However, Donald wanted his wife to be physically attractive. (Fortunately, he says he got that big-time!) Also, it would have been a plus if she could meet the expectations Donald stated in the previous paragraph. For me, growing up, I wouldn’t have said marriage was all that important. Desired? Yes; but, not nearly as important as having children, being a mother, and carrying on the family name. This was much like the girls Edin and Kefalas interviewed. I carried this mindset all the way up until I got married. I viewed marriage as a sacred thing, something that should not be taken lightly. I could tell by others around me that marriage took a lot of effort and that effort didn’t always lead to happiness. It seemed like the married people around me had more problems and disagreements. To me, being married seemed more like a burden than a blessing. A part of me wanted to be married because I felt that was what everyone strives for at some point in his or her life. However, I really wanted to see if my
Donald also expected her to be strong, sociable and friendly, and outgoing (since he was not, in general). In reality Vivianne meets most of these expectations. She is a good cook, but since she works now she doesn’t do it all the time. She accumulates lots of stuff; whereas Donald’s mother threw everything out if she could get her hands on it. They share the housework, as he had expected. They share the childcare, although it seems that Donald does most of the day-to-day stuff (driving to & from school and ballet, preparing breakfast, etc.) perhaps, because Donald is retired and Vivianne is now back to work. They don’t do the dancing or play music together, but Vivianne brought Donald closer to Jesus, which Donald feels is more important. He now goes to church with Vivianne regularly. Previously Donald went occasionally when someone invited him, but he never really got into it. I expected my husband to have similar traits of my father. I expected him to be the breadwinner, have a successful career where he would have the opportunities for advancement. I expect that he would get up early and go to work, then come home and help me take care of the kid(s). I expected he would be more involved with child rearing than the average breadwinner male. I thought that he would be very supportive of my dreams and me. I also I